グレッグ・ガットフェルド: 家族は良いです, 仲間は悪い, 学校は刑務所です

神: 素敵な赤身の肉のジョーク! あなたの聴衆を知るグレッグの方法.

ありがとう神様!

しかし、私は彼らの仲間との相互作用の欠如が彼らのコミュニケーションと協力の能力を損なうだろうと考えました. さらに、彼らは入浴とデンタルフロスを忘れます, so they smell like a chunk of gorgonzola. 冗談だ. Nobody flosses, right Kat?

プラス, they lose a year of 教育. But considering what they’re being taughtthat could be a plus. というのは, how are they gunna learn how racist they are, while not learning math?

だが – I was holding two contrary thoughts in my head, which is already twice my capacity. On one side of my brain, I believe the one-size-fits-all regiment of school harms kidsespecially in public schools, which is about one step removed from factory farming. And we aren’t even getting soylent green out of it. A factory might pollute a stream; but schools pollute your kid’s mind.

But the other side of my brain says, “these kids are gunna be ruined forever if they don’t get back to class. They’re missing out on so much!” But that doesn’t make sense.

That’s like saying to a soldier who is laying in a hospital. “We gotta get u back to the frontyou’re missing out on so much!” What were these students missing out on, 本当に? Judging by our test scores, it’s not an education. And given the behavior of teachers unions, it’s hard to say what’s worseschool or the lockdown.

そう, after a year of wondering about the coming mental health crisis, the CDC released data showing that suspected suicides dramatically increased among girls ages 12 に 17 in the US, に比べ 2019.

しかし奇妙なことに – the rate is inversely related to school closures. Meaning when schools close, suspected suicide attempts actually went down. Then when schools reopened, the attempts go up. It’s like children suddenly had dirt on the Clintons.

So againschools closed, suicide attempts among girls dropped. Then schools opened, they rose. Then when schools closed for winter vacation, suicide attempts plunged again. Then when the schools reopened again, the attempts suddenly jumped. There was no increase for boys during reopenings, but they did see a drop in lockdowns too. This sounds counter-intuitive.

But it’s notonce you realize that suicide death rates based on decades of data show it falls during the summer and Christmas vacation! So it’s not unique to the pandemic. It’s what happens when you leave school for any reason.

So how do you explain this? 上手, school sucks. And when you’re home, away from school, you’re also away from the crap that preys on adolescent insecurities. The cliques, いじめ, the need to belong.

Meanwhile at home, you aren’t forced to change for gym class in front of all the people that made fun of you. (A shout out to Kilmeade)

It’s a vicious prank. Take kids when they’re least immune to peer pressure, and throw them into a sea of preening piranhas, who have better clothes and more money. On top of that, add teachers who realize that the model of teaching is to keep it bland, and if you’re the kid who’s unconventional, or a little slower, or a geniusyou end up left out. The lonely kid at the cafeteria table.

You think it’s a coincidence Richard Branson, Einstein, and Walt Disney all quit school at 15? I’m guessing it wasn’t the curriculum they found too difficult. その間, when you’re homeyou’re with the people who love you. And no matter how mad mom or dad get at you, they’re not gonna stuff you in a locker.

So sometimes, science reveals a connection between things that we always knew to be true, but couldn’t say out loud. 家族は良いです. Peers are bad. And school is a prison.

So maybe Zoom classes weren’t so bad after all.

And as for the kid who is eating alone at the cafeteria, I think about you a lot. Stay strong. When you’re an adult you’ll realize the opinions of the teachers and children around you now don’t matter. High school will end. In the real world, their conformity is a weakness, while your uniqueness is a strength. No one ever saidyou know why I like that guy? He is totally average, and goes along with what’s popular today.

もしそうなら… Then CNN would be popular.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the June 8, 2021 のエディション “グットフェルド!”

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