Greg Gutfeld on Ellen DeGeneres leaving show

グレッグ・ガットフェルド, FOXニュースホスト: Just another whopper from Mayor McCheese. 私は
still grossed out by that. OK. It’s been a few months and Joe Biden has
made more mistakes than I did in med school. It’s why I’m not a doctor. なぜ
all of those people are dead. Gets a laugh. All those dead people. すべて
正しい. Now we could point out all of Joe’s failures, but I have a wedding
to go to in September.

But what’s weird is how the media buries these stories like cat poo in a
sandbox. Where does it all go? Don Lemon’s hamper, Rachel Maddow’s Jim
ロッカー, that computer shop where Hunter Biden took his laptop. There’s a
lot of bad stuff going on. But like Kamala Harris, the Jimmy Hoffa of vice
presidents, it’s nowhere to be found. Biden screws up in the media slips
the story between the mattress and the box spring. Like those photos I have
of Bill Hemmer.

But imagine if any of this happened under President Trump. Highest rate of
inflation in 13 年, like Dana Perino hawking her new book, that would be
everywhere. Unemployment is now rising faster than it has in a decade and
during a job surplus. Has that ever happened before? That’s like losing
weight after eating 10 pounds of cookie dough. Relax, ステルター. そうではありません
可能. As always, it’s all about the incentives.

Incentives are the most basic science on Earth. If you’re married, ええと
what I mean. If you want your wife to stay interested in the bedroom, 君は
do what I do. You put the dishwasher in there. 悲しいことに, the only incentives
the Dems understand is if you give someone money, they’ll vote for you. だが
I was kind of hoping that was changing. Biden has now decided to resume
partly building the wall. はい, that big evil Satan wall.

Remember when they stopped building it in January? Every live did a victory
dance, including Elizabeth Warren. And I know because it rained over my
house for three days. それで次に何が起こったのか, a massive influx of migrants.
Thousands of kids showed up unaccompanied and on a school night no less.
Incentives took center stage, like a Bunyan on Pelosi’s foot, it got big
and ugly fast.

But maybe I thought something came to Joe’s senses, probably polling
numbers or smelling salts. Or maybe the images of children being abandoned
in the mountains like James Franco’s Tinder dates who wouldn’t put out. 私
was hoping Biden woke up to the fact that not everything Trump did was
evil, and that the advice he’s getting from the woke is idiotic. 実際には, A
lot of Trumps teams were pretty good.

If you’re not a communist socialist or something called Debra Messing.
Record low unemployment, especially among minorities, energy independence,
North Korea no longer and apocalyptic headache, a plethora of peace deals.
True Trump could hurt your feelings. Don’t we all know it? I’m still
smarting over being snubbed for that Presidential Medal of Freedom. But all
of Joe’s current problems are based on rejecting Trumpism which isn’t a way
to run a country.

It’s like hooking up with a total loser after you got dumped just to get
back at the person who dumped you, but it only harms you. しかしながら, それは
great if you’re the loser that people keep hooking up with. That was the
only way I got lucky in college. I wonder what our angry white male thinks.


TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP EDIAN: Presidential politics, what a
pain. 見て, I like the last guy OK. But I know there were a lot of people
who didn’t. 見て, it seems like the negative voices always outweigh the
positive ones. And I don’t want to get involved in all that. Some days,
politics really gets me down. Then other days I think, who cares? I just
bought this sweet telescope.


グッドフィールド: Just getting angrier every day. So Trump mostly made decisions
based on principles of incentives and disincentives. And if it made him
look good or bad, who cares? 出来た. Trump would never call a looter a
protester because that’s an incentive to loot. He never paid people not to
work because that’s an incentive not to work. He’d never applaud identity
政治, because that’s an incentive to divide.

True, he’d make fun of your weight or your hair. But that’s the price you
pay for common sense. プラス, you’ve got Frank Luntz to join a gym. I go back
to this analogy. When you hire a lawyer, do you want everyone in the court
to like him or do you want everyone to go Holy crap, not that guy? トランプ
was supposed to be America’s lawyer. And he was (ブリープ) but he was (ブリープ)
and if there’s one thing we Americans love, それは (ブリープ).

統一された男性: 限目.

グッドフィールド: He’s blushing. Let’s welcome our guests. We always see eye to eye
because we’re both wearing heels. America’s newsroom co-anchor and “THE
FIVEco-host, デイナ・ペリーノ. If looks could kill his face would be on trial
for a murder. America’s newsroom co-anchor Bill Hemmer. 彼がいた
valedictorian of his driver’s ed class, host of the Guy Benson Show on Fox
News Radio, Guy Benson.

She’s returned to everything from her wedding, including her husband. 狐
News Contributor Kat Timpf. ダナ, can you explain to me what I just read or
what just happened? I thought that they were actually going to rebuild the
wall but turns out they’re only going to build on the levees.

デイナ・ペリーノ, FOXニュースアンカー: はい. そう, ええと, というのは, you would — 私
understand why you would get excited because it would make sense. And sense
is like you’d like common sense. So here’s the deal. Down there at the
境界, lots of flooding can happen. So there’s a levee system. だが
President Trump said is since there’s already a levee system, let’s just
put the wall that we’re continuing to build on top of that.

グッドフィールド: 正しい.

ペリノ: Because that will save taxpayers money. It’s already approved
environmentally, and we can just go ahead and do that. But then they stop
the wall. But they still need the levees.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: So they’re going to do the levees, but not the wall. Which doesn’t
make sense.

グッドフィールド: It doesn’t make sense.

BILL HEMMER, FOXニュースアンカー: How much sense does she make though?

グッドフィールド: はい.


HEMMER: Holy cow.


HEMMER: I get these five days a week.

グッドフィールド: はい. No wonder you’re going crazy. Must be driving you nuts. 私
went through this too. It’s terrible. Are you tired of the dog yet?

ペリノ: He hasn’t met — というのは, Jasper’s, ええと.

グッドフィールド: You haven’t met Jasper yet?

HEMMER: I have met Jasper.

ペリノ: ああ, OK.

GUY BENSON, FOXニュース寄稿者: And she has a dog?

グッドフィールド: はい. Jasper is likeJasper is kind of like the size of a
construction worker who wants to sit on your lap. So when he climbs up on
top of you it’s — 知りません —

ペリノ: He’s totally ripped right now too. OK. He looks great.

グッドフィールド: 大丈夫. Tell me more. ええと, I feel like I should be see
every time I hear levy. I just feel like I should be singing American Pie.

HEMMER: Probably. I thought it was a great explanation.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: ありがとうございました.

HEMMER: I think it’s the rainy season down there. You got to make sure it’s
taken care of. I feel like though this is like red eye on steroids. というのは,
what did I just drop into? Huh? というのは, how about the upgrade for Gutfeld?

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: Which is actually pretty nice.

グッドフィールド: はい. It’s a nice studio. I like it. It’s like Bill’s never watched
the show before.


グッドフィールド: He’s going, what his place? Am I on in a spaceship?

ペリノ: He kept commenting on the studio. みたいな, thanks for your
サポート, ビル・ヘメル.

BENSON: During the opening mono, I’m looking over at Hemmer and he looks
like he’slike where are the exits? Like if I had to go to a break for,
like they show it Gutfeld exclamation point to the Gutfeld question mark.


グッドフィールド: I know what the problem was. It was theit was the dishwasher
with Joe.

ペリノ: Dishwasher one. I wanted to know what his dream was.

グッドフィールド: はい. ああ. ああ, ワオ. That is a good Joe. That’s a good joke.

ペリノ: I was joking.

グッドフィールド: キャット?

キャサリン・ティンプ, FOXニュース寄稿者: はい.

グッドフィールド: What are your thoughts? ああ, here’s the theory. I believe that
Biden is truly the opposite of Trump and that Trump was bad words good
deeds. But Biden is nice words no deeds.

ティンプ: はい.

グッドフィールド: Or bad deeds.

ティンプ: The policies are awful and things are terrible. But it’s worse than
それ. Because much like my string of unemployed ex-boyfriends, in addition
to things going terribly. They’re also incredibly expensive to maintain.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ティンプ: 正しい? Like he spent almost $ 150 billion on education. Like doubling
the Department of Education’s budget. It’s not even just, ああ, kids are
doing poorly in school and kids aren’t even in school at all.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ティンプ: So it’s really bad, things are bad and it costs a lot of money. ない
worth it.

グッドフィールド: Guy, I know that you wereyou were you were critical of Trump.
Don’t you kind of miss the mean tweets in the $ 2.00 ガス?

BENSON: Definitely the cheaper gas, definitely most of the policies. そして私
think part of the frustration for a lot of normal people who are not
completely obsessed with hating Donald Trump or hating Joe Biden is this
weird obsession with doing exactly the opposite.

グッドフィールド: 正しい.

BENSON: みたいな, 上手, if that was a Trump-related thing, we have to make
that anathema. それは, ええと, out of bounds, we can’t do it. And therefore
some good policy just went overboard, and it’s just pure signaling.

グッドフィールド: はい.

BENSON: And it’s stupid.

グッドフィールド: はい.

BENSON: I know that this was the smart power crew, it’s what they call
themselves under Obama. This is stupid.

グッドフィールド: はい, はい. This is what spouses do, ダナ, like when you’re planning
a fun night out and you get into a little tiff and then it’s like, ああ,
we’re not going. それでおしまい.

ペリノ: はい.

グッドフィールド: みたいな — みたいです —

HEMMER: That hurts all of us.


ペリノ: 正しい. They go so extremes.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: That actually does drive me crazy.

グッドフィールド: It drives me nuts. It drives me nuts. I never do that.

ペリノ: Fine.

グッドフィールド: But you know what great though? I’m always glad when something
gets canceled. 番号, 番号, but we had plans to go to the opera.

HEMMER: You know when they go in the first place.

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: I thought the biggest whopper of the week on the border was what
the head of the DHS said this week, ホワイトハウスから. 彼は言った
borders close.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: Probably have film illusions video.


グッドフィールド: He was thinking about the bookstore. OK. It’s an old joke. 私はしません
care at this point. ええと, you gotyou got some winners in that
monologue. そう, don’t complain about an old joke. 大丈夫. We got to move
オン. 次に, which state Govs are a cut above? That’s next.


グッドフィールド: Meet the Govs who deserve our loves.



グッドフィールド: They spent three weeks on that. そう, the criteria for this is very
strict. Mostly don’t lock people inside or kill the elderly. Anything after
that is awesome. First up is Governor Mike DeWine of the Buckeye State. A
nickname that I just came up with. He’s ending Ohio’s COVID orders as of
June 2nd, I hope this is true. And that includes the mask mandate and
distancing in restaurants. また, teenage boys can return to practicing
French kissing on their fist.

HEMMER: At least three.

グッドフィールド: That’s tasteless, あまりにも. I wrote that one. That’s three weeks for
more people to get vaccinated. And he’s got a plan for that too. 彼は
holding a lottery with five cash prizes of a million bucks each. Any adults
who’s had at least one vaccine dose can enter and he’s paying for it with
federal pandemic relief funds. Here’s DeWine explaining the reason for the


GOV. MIKE DEWINE (R-OH): You’ve got people who clearly are not going to get
それ. They have every right to make that decision. But then you have people
in the middle and they’re the kind of persuadable people and they’re people
who may have just put it off. Some people are going to say Mike DeWine is
crazy and that this is a big waste of money. But I’ll tell you what the
real waste is.

What the real waste is when somebody at this stage when we have the vaccine
that will pretty much 100 percent protect you but you don’t take it.


グッドフィールド: I’m going to look like him in 10 年. To tell you right — できます
tell you that right now. とにかく, その間, フロリダにて, the birthplace of
Hooters, Guy. Governor Ron DeSantis will pardon anyone charged for not
wearing masks or socially distancing. The move came a day before the CDC
announced fully vaccinated people could stop wearing masks indoors. 彼
announced it on live T.V. to a couple facing jail time for letting people
forgo masks at their gym.


GOV. ロン・デサンティス (R-FL): When our clemency board meets in the coming
週, we’ll issue pardons not only for Mike and Jillian, but for any
Floridian that may have outstanding infractions for things like mass and
social distancing. These things with hell should be advisory, they should
not be punitive.


グッドフィールド: うーん. That looks like a hell of a T.V. プログラム. とにかく, that couple
was facing 120 days in jail which isn’t so bad because in prison, you can
always catch up on your reading. Did you see the book Dana wrote before
everything’s going to be OK? It was called everything sucks and I’m going
to murder you. And it also was a best seller. 大丈夫. So Bill, what are
your thoughts on the lottery?

HEMMER: We had him on our program this morning. Governor DeWine. おもう
they started aiming a little too high on this.

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: というのは, you’re starting at a million?

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: Why don’t we start at like 10 grand and see what kind of reaction
you get then maybe work your way up. They probably have done the science
where they know that they’ll get moremore people are suckers for more

HEMMER: わかった. But these arethese arethese are taxpayer dollars
that you’re saying we’re going to give out a million dollars a week for
everybody that gets vaccinated.

グッドフィールド: はい. But is it really — というのは, we could just print more money,

HEMMER: Who does that?

グッドフィールド: 知りません. しかし、私は意味します, just put it.

ティンプ: You can’t give it back though. This is money that they were already
given for COVID Relief Fund. And so when I saw this, 私は好きだった, これは
super dumb. And now I think it’s dumb, but it’s not his fault. Because you
can’t just give it back to the taxpayers. That’s not allowed. そう, he found
a way to sort of kind of do that. And incentivizing vaccines is the best
thing you can do because that’s the best, clearest, scientifically backed
path to going back to normal.

グッドフィールド: はい, that’s true. Guy, what did you make of this?

BENSON: I want to clear for the record. I actually did eat at Hooters for
the food. It’s like I would.

ティンプ: ああ, you were the guy.

BENSON: Reading a Playboy for the articles.

グッドフィールド: はい.

BENSON: And Hooters for the food. That’s me for real.

グッドフィールド: Ate wings.

BENSON: Wings and beer.

グッドフィールド: はい, that’s what they call them.

BENSON: And sports.

グッドフィールド: はい.

BENSON: Other things.

グッドフィールド: Oh yes, I loveI love the sports.

BENSON: I actually do love sport.

グッドフィールド: Baseball and the basketball. I do love sweaty men running up and
down the field. ごめんなさい.

BENSON: 番号, it’s OK. You’re lost in a moment there.

グッドフィールド: はい.

BENSON: I want to let you hold on to it for just a second and go back to
your wife. Now here’s the thing.

グッドフィールド: 番号. At least he didn’t use air quotes.

BENSON: For her wife? そう, I think this is actually a brilliant idea. そして
I’ll say that I don’t hate it.

グッドフィールド: 正しい.

BENSON: Because you’re right, the money is spent. You could argue it’s
wasteful, but it’s already out there. And the data shows you’ve got most
people who either have the vaccine already or are lining up to do it.
You’ve got a handful of folks like 20 percent or so who were saying we’re
not getting this period. Then as DeWine was saying, the governor, あります
this group of persuadables, they’re not ideological, they don’t care about

They’re not going to respond to like, typical, ええと, PSAs and that sort
of thing. You’ve got to give them something non-ideological. And what is
more universal than you might win a million dollars like oh, ええと, それ
gets my attention. I’m already vaccinated. I might do it again, if it’s
necessary, 正しい?


グッドフィールド: It’s publisher’s clearing house.

HEMMER: OK. But with this money, というのは, DeWine is get in line to the
start cutting back on the unemployment payments, just like a lot of these
other states are doing.


HEMMER: And I ate the wings at Hooters too. I was a fan. Blue cheese.


グッドフィールド: Do you know what the best thing about Hooters was they really
revolutionized pantyhose with shorts. というのは, I thought I was just the one.


ペリノ: というのは, but did you find that comfortable?

グッドフィールド: はい. Sometimes itsometimes it ran up when I was running at
night. だが, ええと, let’s get away from what I do in my private time in
the park. 何 — is it using a lottery for other things? Like to use a
lottery as a way to force people to focus on things. Like what ifwhat if
you were a politician and you said, you vote for me or you support my
campaign and one of you will win a million dollars?

Like if you had the money like you couldit’s like a Ponzi scheme.
Everybody puts money in but you’re going to give it out. あなたはできる —


HEMMER: That would be illegal.

ペリノ: はい. That would be bribery, I would think, buying votes. しかし、私
考える — here’s a couple things. One is going to make sure that this money
will be better spent in Ohio by whoever wins it and it was going to be
spent by the government and something our producer said in our ear this
morning and I thought was smart is actually the taxpayers, 連邦政府
taxpayers that put this money in will get some back because that money is

グッドフィールド: ああ, they’ll get 50 percent of it back which will go to some lousy
government program.

ペリノ: Could go to a levy.

グッドフィールド: うーん. But that levy was dry. And they were singing.

HEMMER: 再び. Bye-bye, Miss American.

グッドフィールド: 男の子, that song drove me crazy.


ペリノ: It goes on for so long.

HEMMER: はい. 17 minutes long.

ティンプ: And we have more of it.

グッドフィールド: And it’s inand it’s in every Irish bar in D.C. If you go to
if you went to Iowa there’s always some guy up there singing it, these
drunk sorority girls throwing up on your feet.

HEMMER: Another verse. Thank god.

グッドフィールド: はい. はい. 大丈夫. That wrap in me. OK. Still to come, should we
be complaining about woke army training? See their latest ad next.


グッドフィールド: Will woke troops lack the will to attack? アメリカ. Army’s latest
recruitment campaign is creating quite the buzz for leaning hard into
目覚め. It’s got it all, same sex parenting, overcoming gender
stereotypes, equal rights marches. Ew. Kidding. ええと, typical
battlefield preparation. Check it out.


統一された女性: It begins in California, with a little girl raised by
two moms. Although I had a fairly typical childhood also marched for
平等. When I was six years old, one of my moms had an accident that
left her paralyzed. Doctor said she might never walk again. やがて
standing at the altar to marry my other mom. I began feeling like I’d been
handed so much in life, a sorority girl stereotype but what had I really
achieved on my own?

I needed my own adventures, my own challenge. And after meeting with an
army recruiter, I found it. A way to prove my inner strength and maybe
shatter some stereotypes along the way. I’m U.S. Army Corporal Emma
Malonelord and I answered my calling.


グッドフィールド: There you go. Now let’s compare that to what the Russians are
putting out.



グッドフィールド: Jesus. 何てことだ. By Russian is a little rusty? But the scared the
(ブリープ) out of me. おもう — I think it proved their point. そう, Guy, 私
考え — I actually thought that the first ad wasn’t bad but it’s very
touchy feely. Should we be embarrassed about our privates?

BENSON: 見て, I found the cartoon animation to be a little bit strange. 私
think that just as an American citizen, I’m more concerned about military
readiness than equality or inclusiveness. I don’t think that they’re
mutually exclusive though.

グッドフィールド: 正しい.

BENSON: What I was distracted by was this wedding. And you can ask Kat, 私
will attend any wedding even if I’m not technically invited.

グッドフィールド: 正しい.

BENSON: そう, I kind of want to go hang out at a wedding like that. それ
seems sort of appealing.

グッドフィールド: 今, you were a cat’s wedding, weren’t you?


グッドフィールド: はい.

キャサリン・ティンプ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: The flower girl was a guy. そう —

グッドフィールド: はい, the flower girl was a guy.

BENSON: In heels. And it was not, just to clarify.

BILL HEMMER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CO-HOST: そう, the flower girl was not god, それ
was not it was a guy.

BENSON: It was one of her, one of her buddies.

グッドフィールド: ええと, let’s try to get back on point, ビル. I don’t know you
have to (聞き取れない) these topics.

HEMMER: My feeling is, というのは, half of me thinks whatever works. And half
of me thinks I, ええと, there’s a lot of tough Marines who want to eat
your face.

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: And probably will go for a different spot.

グッドフィールド: そう, what do you, so how do you — というのは, if you were in charge,
which ad would you prefer to use?

HEMMER: I would use option number two.

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: And I’d say (聞き取れない).

グッドフィールド: ああ, ワオ.

HEMMER: (聞き取れない).

グッドフィールド: The only Russian you know,

HEMMER: I have probably three words. I get by with that.

グッドフィールド: はい.

HEMMER: I think it’s interesting. Can you say whether or not this would be
a campaign that would be used in the CIA or the U.S. military if Trump had
won a second term?

グッドフィールド: 番号, he probably rail against it. He’ll probably make a tweet.

HEMMER: I think the answer’s no.

グッドフィールド: はい. そう, here’s a theory, I do realize you’re probably comparing
something that’s internal. 知りません. Maybe that was Russian internal
に, to there, to get people to join. そう, I always getI’m getting the
feeling that this this touchy feeliness is a protection racket, so that
people will letbe less inclined to think of the military as something
危険な. Does that make sense?

デイナ・ペリーノ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: というのは, it could be, it depends on also
what they’re recruiting for. そう, we had that CIA video before. And one of
the things that a retired CIA agent told me is that that you need to, それ
ad was focusing on Latina women. OK. そう, the reason is because apparently
China is kicking our rear ends in Latin America, and they need to recruit
people that will be able to blend in when they’re undercover. そう, 私はしません
know what they’re recruiting for, and this young woman that said she found
her calling, she’s working for the military. Maybe she’s a cybersecurity
エキスパート —

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: — and can figure out how to kick the butts of Dark Side.

HEMMER: ああ, you think I might be smart?

ペリノ: 知りません. I don’t know what they’re recruiting for but I have a
feeling they wouldn’t be wasting their time.

BENSON: There’s got to be analytics behind it, 正しい? Or some explanation
beyond just pure wokeness?

グッドフィールド: Or could be like cartoons

ペリノ: Could be. Animators.

グッドフィールド: はい. はい. それでも, I got to say, それ, キャット, maybe because it’s
I’m a masculine male, that I was

ティンプ: Very masculine.

グッドフィールド: Very masculine. I was taken by the Russian ad. 上手, it spoke to

ティンプ: はい. Seeing any sort of woke anything is always kind of weird, だが
especially this one you’re watching it and it’s all you know, 身元
politics and girl power and, and fluffy and you’re watching it you remind
あなた自身, this is a recruitment ad for the world’s most powerful killing

グッドフィールド: はい, that’s my point. はい.

ティンプ: And then it gets a little weirder and also I just married a veteran
so like as someone who’s half-veteran.

グッドフィールド: Thank you for your service.

ティンプ: はい, half-veteran. 番号, half-veteran by marriage. 明らかに, I do not
mean that. But I’ve talked to him a little bit about his experience serving
in the military and he tells me stories I got to say, sounds pretty hard.
お気に入り, so this stuff you had to do? 私は好きです, 何? ええと, like you had
to do that? And it sounds so crazy.

そう, I just think that you know, she’s explaining it as something she did.
ええと, how could you possibly do that? 彼女は言いました, she did it because you
知っている, her sorority life wasn’t fulfilling and she wanted adventure and her
sorority sister was in Italy. I feel like the way my husband explained it
to me and I think the way most people would explain it is that you do it
for a reason other than yourself and putting your country over yourself and
that wasn’t mentioned here at all.

グッドフィールド: Why didn’t he re-up your husband?

ティンプ: ああ, he didn’t re-up? ああ, 知りません, because he didn’t want to.

HEMMER: He want to spend time with, キャット.

グッドフィールド: ええと, not much of a veteran, maybe a half a veteran.

ティンプ: はい, (聞き取れない) 今 50/50 because we got married.

グッドフィールド: というのは, I identify as a veteran without ever serving. Just so you
知っている. 大丈夫. 次に, a host who faked being fun, and now her show is


グッドフィールド: On camera she laughed, while she badgered her staff. など, すべて
good things must end. And also the Ellen DeGeneres Show. はい, the 83-year-
old entertainer just announced that the upcoming 19th season of her show
will be its last. どうやら, she created a workplace more toxic than an
Amazon warehouse in Chernobyl.

Countless allegations surfaced last summer that the show’s work environment
was rife with harassment and discrimination. Following those charges,
Ellen’s ratings dropped faster than Kevin Spacey’s pants at a boy band pool
パーティー. Try to say that fast. But Ellen told the today’s show, home of Matt
Lauer that the bad press, the bad press actually had nothing to do with her
決定. 正しい. And the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg, it chose to sink.


ELLEN DEGENERES, T.V. ホスト: If it was while I was quitting, I would have
not come back this year. I really did think about not coming back because
it did, ええと, というのは, it was devastating. I am a kind of person, I am a
person who likes to make people happy.


グッドフィールド: ええと, the real reason she says is it was just too easy telling
the Hollywood reporter, “When you’re a creative person, you constantly need
to be challenged, and as great as this show is and as fun as it is, それは
just not a challenge anymore.” 上手, that’s true. Here’s an idea, when your
viewership is down to 43 パーセント, why not consider that that challenge?
Enemy time to make sure that my staff isn’t pissed at me like Ellen, 私は持っていた
my assistant James, ask them how stuff is going so far.


統一された男性: そう, how’s Greg been behind the scenes lately?

統一された男性: ああ, 信じられない. When I first got this job, Greg flew
to Arkansas and packed my bags for me. And then when we got to New York, 彼
said I could live in his apartment, and he would go stay at a youth hostel,
which doesn’t really make sense. But oh, はい, the show’s been great.

ティンプ: 上手, my wedding dress got destroyed right before the wedding. そう,
Greg stayed up for 36 hours hand knitting me a new one. And he brought it
to my apartment, delivered it to me. And before he left, he gave my husband
a pedicure. My husband didn’t even asked, Greg just went straight for his
toes. Then he was also the DJ, he cleaned up and we woke up the morning
after the wedding. Greg was in our kitchen, asking us how we liked our
卵. I don’t know how he got in.

統一された男性: Pretty good, 私は推測する. Although it was weird. The other
日, he came in with this igloo cooler and he said, ああ, here’s one of my
kidneys. 私は好きだった, グレッグ, I’m not even sick. And he said, ああ, 上手, しないでください
心配, just in case you are later, you should have this.


グッドフィールド: Those are pretty exhausting investigation into my staff there,
キャット, I think we can safely say that I am not a jerk, despite the rumors. Do
you think this is just people, when you become successful, 必ず
spend less time with people around you because you’re servicing. Take Ellen
Degeneres, she’s servicing millions of people in her show. したがって、, 彼女
has to kind of like mitigate or control the amount of exposure with actual
real people. Does that make sense?

ティンプ: It does in theory, だが, but with, と. But I’m still always hanging
out on the street, now I’m super famous. 番号, but all these reports, there
are so many of them, of people being like multiple you will have the same
story of her handlers for an interview or anything with her would come up
and say don’t look her in the eye.

グッドフィールド: But that’s an old story. 彼ら, they used that with all celebrities
like Sinatra, somebody who’s in the elevator, don’t look him in the eye. 私
always feel that that’s like the go to, に, に —

ティンプ: It’s also weird that she won’t acknowledge it at all. She’s like
this had nothing to do with just be like, ああ, my ratings are down I’m
leaving. She’s like, 番号, it’s just not challenging, and I’m so creative,
and I’m actually so good at my job that I have to quit. 番号, お気に入り, new now
挑戦, new challenges. She should look at let people look at her.
That could be the new challenge.

グッドフィールド: ダナ? Ellen is blaming this on misogyny. But there was a, there
were more there were females that were involved in, in criticizing her and
her staff.

ペリノ: はい, that was not, that was gender neutral. That’s what you called
gender neutral. そう, when she’s doing the interview with Savannah to me,
like she’s, she has no there’s no joy in her voice, 正しい? そう, she’s saying
that she’s ending it on her own terms, because she doesn’t feel challenged
enough. But she actually sounds like she, like there’s a gun to her head.

グッドフィールド: はい.

ペリノ: そう, is thatshe’s like, 上手, if she’s speaking as if, お気に入り, 彼女
knows that she has to do this interview and get through it. But if she
really wanted us to believe that, she could be there wasn’t challenge
もう. I loved it for 19 年. I got a lot of projects coming up and I’m
sorry that people felt that way on my team. We’re moving forward. というのは,
there’s a way to do that. I have to be everybody’s press secretary.

HEMMER: 彼女はいいです. That’s really good.

BENSON: Speaking of gun to head, how do you think Greg got all those
testimonials from his staff? That was all a gun threat, 明らかに, その男
is a tyrant.

HEMMER: You have an amazing staff. I have a source in Hollywood. His name
is Jesse waters. He said on the fire that Ellen has a staff of about 255

ペリノ: はい, that came from Tyrus, 実際に. Jesse’s source was Tyrus.

HEMMER: そう, 今, we’re playing the telephone game. キャット, Guy, 255, I like
Ellen. I’ve always liked her on the on the Seinfeld thing when they were
driving around the car in LA and the comedians having coffee


HEMMER: (聞き取れない) telling Dana earlier today she, she was approachable,
shy, I would say but approachable. I’ve always liked her.

ペリノ: She’s quite vulnerable, グレッグ.

グッドフィールド: I can’t stand the woman.

ティンプ: She wants me over and just look at her for a few hours, then I’ll

BENSON: 見て, having a successful show for 19 years in her seasons in that
day part is really hard. お気に入り, there’s talent there. There are people
working hard. I think part of the issue is when your whole brand is just
joy, happiness. And then this kind of explodes all over it, that is your

ティンプ: 正しい. She ended every show being be kind to one another.

BENSON: 正しい? That becomes

グッドフィールド: This is why like I’m always angry and mean.

HEMMER: Because that’s who you are.

グッドフィールド: That’s who I am. そう, it’s not like oh, I’m not going to say to
everybody hug everybody. Then I go outside, I just yell it and we expect to
乱用. ええと, the other thing though, is I want her to be a guest on the
公演. So I have to defend her and I’m going to say that there’s a lot of
people complain about people just because you complain about your boss,
正しい? はい, it’s just like, it’s a thing. It’s a natural thing to do, 平
when it’s being recorded by me.

ティンプ: I’ve never. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

グッドフィールド: 知っている. ああ, I can’t wait to the next. OK. Did COVID defeat all you
can eat, or will buffet owners replace stuffing your face?


グッドフィールド: Bill Hemmer just asked if we do a show on Friday. I bet he want, 私
bet he wants to be on the show, so he gets the car service to go out.
Doesn’t even care. Would you do a show on the weekends?

HEMMER: I was thinking you’re a big shot like Ellen and you do two shows in
a day and that way you get three days

グッドフィールド: That’ll happen soon, but not right now. そしてまた, I love working
on Friday onward. OK, are these the final days for endless buffets? 今
that restaurants are opening back up buffet owners are wondering how to
feed customers while meeting new hygiene restrictions. And the CDC is
clamping down like a pair of tongs on the last strip of bacon.

Instead of the traditional all you can carry to the table without getting
harpooned approach, cruise ships and casinos are considering service
options like point in grunt where diners gesture at the food and an
employee dumps it on their plates, just like they do at SeaWorld also
刑務所. Or they talk about using the arrow glove which is the plastic hand
wrap, much like the ones we all wear when handling Kat’s hair extensions.
Disgusting what’s on that.

Buffets are hard to keep clean. The food sits for hours. There’s cross
contamination and the sneeze guard are always disgusting. A bearable Sim
City of snot. それでも, I’ll miss the buffet. Where else can a man eat expired
sushi and glazed pizza like it’s his last meal, only to wash it down with a
Coke Zero. そう, let’s pause for a moment to remember this culinary
greatness. In lieu of flowers, just go to Arby’s.

BENSON: I can’t, I can’t believe how quickly you bounce back from how sad
あれは. He was so young. I should gather myself.

グッドフィールド: I hear it’s going to be an open casket.

BENSON: そう, みたいです, going back to the good old days, 開いた. And this
実際に, I’ve an anecdote.

グッドフィールド: OK. And yes, I love anecdote.

BENSON: I was at a buffet style thing recently, it was a very nice salad
bar. And I had my plate ready to go, and as was mentioned there, there was
now an attendant. And they’re like, literally every item, they would say,
would you like this? You couldn’t touch anything because of COVID. We like
この, we’d like that. And I felt shamed. Like I didn’t take as much as I
want them. Like I’m like, ああ, that’s more than enough for shooter. 私は
お気に入り, 番号, そうではありません. ねえ, I want more, but I can’t say like someone’s gonna
be judging you. はい, maybe it’s like good for my health. But it was sad. 私
wanted not to be judged.

グッドフィールド: That’s a great study. Because you did that with somebody was
looking at you while you’re at a buffet and costs you

BENSON: A hundred percent. 上手, you have to affirmatively say yes to every
single thing. You’re going to take loss. And yes, you are a very special

グッドフィールド: I would be so obnoxious. What are you joking? 私を見て, four
slices of bacon. This is a buffet, 私は得る 20 like it’s why not and then I’m
going to throw away half of it. 番号, I won’t. I won’t do that, ビル. 何
あなたは, what do you are you going to miss the buffet?

HEMMER: Those things are big in New York City, ところで, ところで, 君は
know the city that was?

グッドフィールド: はい, the city no longer exists.

HEMMER: By the way what I was getting when you said buffets in New York.
What flashed in my head was a really terrible story. ダナ, do you remember
those buffet stories that were happening a couple years ago in New York
where somebody was going into the bodegas and doing bad things? いい加減にして.
はい. That happened. ああ, we talked about this. We did not. Remember this. それ
happened. It happened in Midtown. There was a phantom pooper.

ペリノ: I remember that.

グッドフィールド: It she Google

ティンプ: The greatest thing in the world.

BENSON: I don’t think Dana spends a lot of time in Midtown Bodega, so she
probably wasn’t overly concerned.

グッドフィールド: Are you implying that she’s racist? Because you’re right. 番号. 番号,
OK. I have to wash my brain from that thought. But it happened. So Bill,
are there any favorite buffet foods?

HEMMER: I think for me now, chicken wings, chicken wings. Bacon. OK, これが
a here’s the thing, cat. So when you go to any buffet in New York City,
they all have the same stuff. It’s like the same soup and they have the,
the big silver things as turkey chili, chicken noodle. And then and then
the specials are the same. And then you have the chicken wings. You got the
lasagna? baked potato. There’s one place that makes all this Where is it?
It’s not it’s not in the bodega is a big place somewhere in Brooklyn.
That’s the size of like the world’s largest cemetery and they’re just
scooping it out of the ground. それは — 人!

ティンプ: はい, it’s disgusting. All you can eat buffets are disgusting, だが
also so many of the best things about life, 正しい?

グッドフィールド: はい.

ティンプ: お気に入り, there was this Chinese buffet in Hillsdale, Michigan when I
went to college at Hillsdale and I would love to go there and just eat and
eat. And I felt terrible for the rest of the day after every time. しかし、私
say after every time because I did keep going back.

グッドフィールド: はい, 丁度. ええと, what’s interesting about it, この, get to
this analogy. You look forward to a buffet, like going and then you get
there and within 10 分, you’re regretting what you’ve done to
あなた自身. It’s like those Brazilian mean, meat restaurants where they keep
coming over. So it’s, I think it’s just like sexual promiscuity. The idea
itself, the endless supply of sexual novelty seems enterprising or fun guy,
but then after 10 分, you’re like, I’m tired. I’m hungry. Let’s go to
the buffet.

BENSON: Was that directed at me for a particular reason, グレッグ?

グッドフィールド: I don’t know why I said guy. I just figured.

BENSON: ああ, I think you do.

ペリノ: But it’s not scientific. This whole thing.

グッドフィールド: 番号, it’s not scientific.

ペリノ: That’s why it’s making me mad. COVID doesn’t spread on surfaces.
今, we don’t have to wear masks indoors. This is all nonsense and
unnecessary, and I want my buffet back.

グッドフィールド: I want my buffet back too. We are losing, we are losing parts of

ペリノ: It’s unnecessary. The Golden Chorale has a great buffet. And my
シスター, Angie, she would do anything to go there.

グッドフィールド: There’s a Midtownnever mind.’ It was golden too, but for the
wrong reasons. I don’t know what, what’s wrong with me, but it’s something
really bad happened to me.

HEMMER: I think you’re OK.

グッドフィールド: OK. We’ll be right back.


グッドフィールド: 時間切れです. 毎晩 DVR を設定して、エピソードを見逃さないようにしましょう. なぜあなたは? Thank you Dana Perino, Bill Hemmer and Guy Benson,
キャット・ティンプ, 私たちのスタジオの聴衆. “フォックスニュース@ナイト” with Shannon Bream is
次. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you America.

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