It’s no surprise – the presidency is unraveling faster than a cardigan caught in a power drill. Just look at the key variables. Foreign policy’s been a disaster. Unless you’re the Taliban and are doing donuts on a soccer field in a U.S. Army jeep. As vice president, Joe went to funerals. As president, he causes them.
It’s amazing – this joker has been in politics forever, and the moment he’s put in charge, he wets the oval office rug like a nervous puppy. I wouldn’t trust him with the keys to a Rascal scooter.
Inflation now hits American households for an extra 175 bucks a month – which is exactly what Hunter pays the masseuse for a happy ending at the local Super 8.
Meanwhile, gas prices are higher than Kat. That’s another tax targeting the working stiff. You know, the people who have to drive to pay their bills, instead of selling arts and crafts for half a million. But of course, the guy who says “the buck stops with me,” says it’s not his fault that the “buck” is worth a lot less than it was a year ago.
You’ve got a dead domestic agenda. The only thing Joe seems capable of passing is gas from the Gerber’s puréed vegetables he had for lunch.
Also: there’s more COVID deaths under Joe in just ten months with 3 vaccines than all of last year. Good luck blaming it on Trump. But of course, they will. Yes – remember that constant body count that showed up every day like Stelter at Krispy Kreme – gleefully attributing every casualty to Trump? Even if the COVID “victim” was 600 lbs., 90 years old, and had a crowbar through his head? They hoped the list would cost Trump the election. And it did.
Biden promised to shut the virus down. Instead, the only thing he is shutting down is the early bird buffet. Now when Biden wins, the body count disappears. Much like CNN’s fact-checking department – which they put into cold storage along with their ratings and Chris Cuomo’s career.
So what do you say about all this, Joe?
Tom Shillue as Joe Biden: Look, look, look. This is simple. I was saying this the other day on the telephone, television, the radio..track…player. It’s so simple. If it’s good, I did it. Buck stops here, it’s me. If it’s bad, it’s the other guy—you know who I’m talking about. So look, if you got COVID, that’s him. If you got no COVID, that’s me. The border, that’s him. Crime, that’s him. High taxes, that’s him. Okay, what’s me? Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, both of them, that’s me.
Quinnipiac’s Tim Malloy, summarizes the brutal polling findings: “Battered on trust, doubted on leadership, and challenged on overall competency, president Biden …continues [a] downward slide to a number not seen since the tough scrutiny of the Trump administration.”
Did you notice something there? He says “they haven’t seen findings like this since the tough scrutiny of the Trump administration.” What’s the difference here? There is no tough scrutiny of the Biden administration – at all.
The press looks away like they’ve been shown erotic photos of Joy Behar. This suggests that if the scrutiny were equal, brains would explode. Either Trump would have been the greatest president ever if they treated him fairly, or Joe Biden would be the worst president ever if they treated him fairly! Its mind-boggling.
With Biden, it’s parents at school board meetings who are to blame. Or the unvaccinated or Fox News. Joe will be blaming the ghost of Ronald Reagan, whom he talks to every night at the White House.
Meanwhile, there are no comparisons between Joe and Trump on any variable – economy, foreign policy, COVID, crime, the border. And why? Because if you did that, you would see Trump destroying Biden.
Which returns us to two key points. First, the media didn’t care that President Trump improved the country. Why would they? Most of them hate this place anyway. But he had to go! His late-night tweets gave all of them early morning anxiety. And even with all his cash, he wasn’t “one of them.” He was one of us. Also, he was a Republican. So he starts off as Hitler. We’re on like 3 Hitlers now. One more Hitler and we have a box set.
So, they gladly handed the country’s keys to some doddering old mess who goes to bed at 4 pm but doesn’t send mean tweets. But this happens almost every time a Democrat is in the White House! It’s like we keep punching ourselves in the face to see if it really hurts as much as we thought it did 4 or 8 years ago—it does.
And what happened to that unity pledge? Joe’s about as unifying as farting in an elevator. So, to protect the media’s precious mental health, we screwed our country. So what happens when you realize that reassessing Trump only makes Biden look even worse? If Biden is worse than what the media called an existential threat — then what do you call Biden? A super-duper-existential threat?
And if the media can’t compare Biden to Trump’s achievements – what do you do? You talk about January 6th. And white supremacists. Suddenly – concerned parents become “domestic terrorists.” And surprise, the Facebook whistleblower – – who just miraculously showed up on 60 minutes. will now be testifying at the next January 6th hearing.
So once again the media and Democrats are in cahoots. Which is necessary. With these polling numbers, if Biden got any more underwater he’d be Aquaman.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the October 8, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”