格雷格·古菲尔德: Prince Harry rejected British royalty for American celebrity royalty

反正, one of their mutant offspring showed up at the U.N. and crapped on us. But I guess if you’re going to take a crap, there’s no place better than ****. 我不知道. I wonder if climate change is wreaking havoc on our planet with the most vulnerable suffering most of all.

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哈里王子: Climate change wreaking havoc on our planet with the most vulnerable suffering most of all. The few weaponizing lies and disinformation at the expense of the many and from the horrific war in Ukraine to the rolling back of constitutional rights here in the United States. We are witnessing a global assault on democracy and freedom.

So this fuzz ball calls out the rolling back of constitutional rights in the US as part of a global assault on democracy and freedom. 好, he knows his audience.

Bad mouthing the US at the UN is the easiest way to get applause. It’s like standing in front of an auditorium of high school kids and saying marijuana should be legal everywhere. And oh yeah, no more homework and pizza every day in the caf’.

认真地, was it a speech or a job interview? You want to ingratiate yourself to the world’s tyrants and trash your host country? 精细. You picked the right place, you royal douche, and you pick the right country. America will actually put up with your desperate need for attention and status.

你懂, I’d compare him to the Kardashians, but that would be an insult to people who take pictures of their butts.

So should we care about him or them? Not really. But what else do you want to talk about? How odor eaters are made or what Kim Jong un is bench pressing or the price of bubblegum cigars? How about vultures? Did you know we’re seeing a dangerous decline of vulture populations which could lead to the spread of deadly diseases like the plague and rabies? Which is good because I’m tired of everything being made in China. 你懂, vultures are vital by eating corpses, which helps keep ecosystems and pathogens in check. Not to mention a great way to hide evidence. 正确的, 吉?

所以, in terms of the planet, vultures do way more good than Prince Harry. Harry can fly around the globe lecturing us on climate as he harms it. But a flock of vultures can pick a dead panther clean before Brian Stelter could even get his bib on.

So is that a fair comparison? The prince and a vulture? 为什么不? One feasts on the dead, the other feasts off the brain dead. And reminds you that America truly is the land of opportunity for opportunists, especially for the people who game the system through woke dramatics. If you want to make a buck, just kick up the old depression theater and let it rip. Like Eric Swalwell after Chipotle.

And anyone can do it, including a dopey prince with hair that looks like a Brillo pad used to get rust off a lawn chair. I should invite him over to scrub my pots. 我孩子. I don’t scrub pots. I let the little lady do that. It’s terrible stuff.

但看, Harry is just another moron the media loves to briefly elevate, like AOC and Michael Avenatti, except in this case, he gets favored status because he’s a prince. 而已.

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So Prince Harry bemoaning privilege is like Amber Heard complaining there’s poop in her bed. He’s the face of entitlement. And now he’s here ******* on us. But if it’s so bad, why the hell did he move here? 你懂, we’re in tough times and this creep bad mouths us to a bunch of clowns, while his wife mindlessly nods like an audience member at the taping of “风景。”

He somehow believes this cartoonish wokeism can erase his royal stain. He’s hiding his crown and replacing it with a ****. We can leave that in there. It’s one word. It’s an actual thing. Look it up. I was speaking to the producer.

But if he believed that being royalty was cutting in line, then why come here and cut in line again and expect to become another Simon Cowell wannabe?

现在, if he hates status, he would have stayed in his country and fixed things. 你懂, start with the teeth. Become a dentist. But instead of rejecting the entitlements of royalty, you exchange it for the American version – celebrity royalty with your seething wife. You two and the UN deserve each other. You’re a throuple which combines throw up and couple.

Fact is, Harry marrying an American doesn’t make you American, and neither does criticizing America with your undergrad notions of global affairs and total ignorance of our country – just makes you embarrassing in two countries, not just one. Just like James Corden. 我不知道. Was that worth it? 事实是, our royals are better. George Brett, Brett Saber Hagen, Dan the Duke of Quisenberry.

你懂, talk about real royals. And they never married their cousins that we know of. At least it didn’t say that on the back of my baseball cards. So maybe it’s not Harry’s fault for being stupid. 你懂, it’s the first thing we did after we kicked their asses in the American Revolution. Embraced the Second Amendment. Not your second cousin.

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