All the late night shows, the Times covered, featured the exact same unison response or should I say “uni-some,” since they were dull enough to put a meth head into a coma.
THE LATE SHOW: We are coming to you, just hours after the January 6 Committee shocked the world with a hearing that can only be described as, “coockoo, oogahh, psss, halala, hatche-matche.”
THE DAILY SHOW: Yeah, I know, I too, was shocked to hear that Trump threw any of his food away. Because, I mean, let’s be honest, this guy’s taking more selfies with food than he has with some of his kids, right?
THE TONIGHT SHOW: Immediately the agents were like, “who the hell let him out of his car seat?” And knowing Trump, he probably finished his Big Mac first, then threw the plates.
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS: Isn’t that unreal? Who has ketchup at lunch?
Wow. Well, those shows should come with a warning, “do not operate heavy machinery afterward or expect amusement while viewing.” They aren’t even trying to think outside the box. Maybe because it’s now a coffin where comedy goes to die. It’s like they all think comedy isn’t their job and if you watch a few minutes, you’ll agree it’s not even their hobby.
Instead, their job is to spout acceptable, liberal, elitist assumptions, to be safe. Meanwhile, their audience feels like they’re in a TV room at Gitmo and Pete Hegseth has been holding the remote. Which explains why their audience is shrinking like it’s got a Speedo full of ice cubes.
Meanwhile, our ratings are sick and sick, sick in a good way. Yeah! I think that’s what the teens say, “we’re sick,” in a good way, not in a, “hey, what are these sores, and why do I want to eat bananas and fling my feces?” Shout out to monkeypox. But we aren’t just stealing their viewers. We’re taking the ones with the big fat wallets. It’s like we’re doing a smash and grab on them and taking only the good stuff.
Which leads me back to the L.A. Times. They covered what the late nighters said about Jan 6, but mysteriously left off one show. Now, what show could that be? And do you think it’s the one that, A, isn’t parroting the other shows? B, and is beating the crap out of them in less than a year of being on air, and C whose host is hotter than the handle of a cast iron skillet, skillet, not even letting me finish. I want to reread that one. And C, whose host is hotter than the handle of a cast iron skillet left in the oven for 3 hours. Thanks for writing that Kat. Yes, that’s this show, the “Gutfeld!” show.
So why would the L.A. Times leave us out of their recap? What could their reasoning be?
Well, there is none, when the leading late night show is bucking the conformity of those other shows, you’d think that would be a story, perhaps even a big one for the writer whose beat is late night TV. But no, they ignored this show like it was me trying to get a lap dance at Applebee’s. I get confused, and it’s all those bright lights.
Again, the question is why? Well, it’s like the January 6 hearings, if you don’t show the other side of anything, it helps you think it doesn’t exist. It’s like when your car is making a strange noise, so you turn up the radio and suddenly the noise is gone. It’s like covering your eyes and sticking your fingers in your ears and singing la la la la la. Which is how doctors say, is the safest way to get through “Fox & Friends.” They don’t watch.
With few exceptions, the mainstream press has bent over backwards to ignore our success, since ignoring it means we don’t exist. There could be no viable alternative to their crud fests. True, if their minds were any more closed, they’d be a post office on July 4th.
So what does that say about their beliefs or their egos? That maybe they know that neither can stand up to a challenge?
It’s the same thing that happened when Fox News launched 25 years ago. They laughed, they mocked, and you saw how that turned out. We’re stomping them like grapes under the feet of an Italian winemaker.
I get asked this question a lot from college kids, “where am I and why am I tied up?” But also, “how do I respond to people who outnumber me on campus and trash me for my beliefs?” You know, I always say, “stab them in the face, with truth, and a knife, made of honesty.” When people give you —- for being different, just say, “do you ever wonder why I’d choose the harder path? Why would I make it hard on myself?
I mean, I could just do you. So aren’t you curious as to why I would make myself less popular than a class called Intro to Chlamydia?” It’s a question I posed to my evaporating competition, “do you ever wonder why we aren’t doing you?” Is it because we’re dumb or crazy? Or maybe I know something you don’t? The answer isn’t as important as them hearing that question. It’s like when I ask my wife, “why or tennis pros living with us?”
Sure, I could do their liberal late night schtick, pandering is the easiest form of comedy, I wish someone could explain that to the writers at SNL. They’re still doing, “Trump is an evil Cheeto jokes,” that were stale in 2016, while saying nothing about a president who flopped off a stopped bike like he was rounding a turn in the Tour de France.
True, people in this industry don’t like us, meaning myself, Kat and Tyrus. Well, I’m guessing, I’m guessing Tyrus catches a little less than the rest of us. There’s something about giving crap to a guy who’s not only smarter than you, but could fold you into his wallet.
But I lost friends the more successful this show became. Before I was just harmless, they could pat me on the head and say, “he just doesn’t know any better.” But then when the winning began, suddenly they don’t want you around anymore, they’ll marginalize your ideas, say that, “you used to be funny, but not anymore.”
They don’t want to face you, maybe because I knew better than they did, and they don’t want to have to fight for their beliefs. We must all agree, or the cocktail party sucks. What a chicken —- way to go through life, especially in this industry, The L.A. Times ignored us because they’re cowards, which is lamer than the late night hosts they drool over. In the future, would they come around to sing why we’re killing it? Who cares, we don’t need him. But hey, our door is always open, unlike their minds.