そこに行きます. スクラッチとスニフ. 大丈夫, そこに立ち上がる. 起きる. ただ素晴らしい. 匂いを嗅ぐ, においがする. 指の匂いを嗅ぐ. ああ. そこに立ちなさい. 大丈夫. What’s that smell like? What’s that about? 今, if you guessed Parmesan cheese, you win. But we will accept Crisco because we know he does. Disgusting.
大丈夫. According to new leaked audio obtained by The Washington Examiner. Hunter claims his dad viewed him as a god. And if that’s not an argument for atheism, what is?
だが Hunter could be confused every time he called his dad to tell him what kind of trouble he was in, Joe would say, ああ, 神, what did you do now?
The recording was stored on that laptop, 私たちは told was Russian disinformation by this lady. You remember her? 大丈夫, そこに立ち上がる. そこに立ちなさい. You get 2 seconds to smell her. What does she smell like? Does she smell like a new career? You’re right. But we would have taken Russian dressing.
とにかく. Let’s go to Hunter. I wonder if we’ll talk about anything.
HUNTER BIDEN RECORDING: We’ll talk about anything that I want him to that he believes in. If I say this is important to me, then he will work a way in which to make it a part of his of his platform. The man I most admire in the world, that god to me, thinks I’m a god. And my brother did too … and the three of us. It was literally I had the support to know I can do anything.
ええ. Including his brother’s wife. ええ. とにかく. 選挙結果に影響を与える党派の試みの一環として、研究への反応はニュースメディアに漏れるでしょう claims his dad would do anything 彼は言った, which must have made the hookers very nervous. Speaking of Pop. Here you go. 大丈夫. What’s that smell like? Get up really close. Take a deep breath. Is it disaster? Is it incompetence? How about a loaded pair of Depends and some polygrip?
上手, yesterday he put on quite a show at the AFL-CIO. With every clip more viral than a bucket full of Monkeypox, これ, ところで, is the new Ben and Jerry’s flavor. But he doesn’t want to hear any more of these lies.
バイデン大統領: I don’t want to hear any more of these lies about reckless spending, we’re changing people’s lives.
ねえ, we’re changing people’s lives. それは本当だ, 実際に. My neighbor Phil now demands to be called Phyllis. We’re actually closer now yesterday I went bra shopping with him. It’s difficult.
But if Joe is changing people’s lives, how is that a positive? Polio changed lives, あまりにも. I’m not saying Joe is like polio, or am I? It doesn’t matter, because I bet his plan is simple.
バイデン大統領: My plan is simple. 最初, I’m doing everything in my power to blunt Putin’s gas price hike. It’s going to take time, but let the world coordinate the largest release. Would I be able to do the largest release of oil from the Global Fund in history.
He didn’t even like the sentences he started with. というのは, that was a mess and it wasn’t true. But okay, because this plan isn’t finished. Like that sentence and the results aren’t finished either.
バイデン大統領: That’s why my plan is not finished and why the results aren’t finished either.
The results aren’t finished. That’s the same thing the plastic surgeon said about Michael Jackson’s face. ああ, 何? Too soon. It’s the only thing that remains.
So what’s his solution for a flailing economy? I bet all he’s asking for is for the largest corporations and wealthiest Americans to pay their fair share.
バイデン大統領: All I’m asking is for the largest corporations and the wealthiest Americans to begin to pay their fair share in taxes.
ええ, we wouldn’t mind paying our fair share if we weren’t already. But he’s right. Paying $ 5 a gallon for gasoline and $ 6 a pound for a hamburger isn’t fair at all to us. I always knew living in New York I’d eventually get mugged. I just didn’t think it would be by my butcher.
ところで, since when is raising taxes a solution for inflation? We’re already getting taxed by rising prices. And now you want to add more? It’s like he has only one tool to fix 20 different problems.
He’s a proctologist whose only medical instrument is a hand grenade. ええ, at least he’s not coughing. I’m not joking. ええ. Last time I coughed like that, I was being checked for a hernia by Kevin Spacey. ごめんなさい. No doubt Joe’s been exposed to COVID-19, but it’s COVID 1819. But America still has a choice to make.
バイデン大統領: America still has a choice to make.
So do we impeach you now or invoke the 25th Amendment? And what about those better paying jobs?
バイデン大統領: Better paying jobs? For better jobs for them and their families. It’s been a long time since that’s happened in this country.
ええ. Long time. You got to harken all the way back to 2020. ああ, those were the days.
So why is everything so bad now? 上手, instead of focusing on the economy, his woke White House targeted parents at school boards, elevated identity over education, made sure every job appointment was a historic first and historic worst instead of prioritizing competence and now under Biden, even tampons are in short supply. If that’s not a war on women, I’m Joy Behar. And how do you know that I’m not? ええ. We could pass for twins if I stopped shaving my back.
But that doesn’t affect Joe because nothing does. He’s just along for the ride and he’s not even driving. And that’s why as gas prices soar, it’s also not his problem. The last time he was behind the wheel, it was when a Secret Service member pulled him around the White House grounds in a red wagon.
And so we got a president who not only does not feel your pain, he’s not even thinking about it. Only one thing at a time. And that thing is usually, how do I climb the stairs?
He’s no figure for a crisis. 見て, I know my limitations. If I’m at a party and you need some drinks, I’ll make them. But if someone starts choking, I’d be as useless as Dr. ジル・バイデン. In that kind of emergency I’ll disappear quicker than Jesse Watters when the check arrives. We need someone to throw us a life saver here. Not a dumb dumb, ハァッ? I wonder what Joe has to say.
STAFFER IMITATING BIDEN: ねえ, いい加減にして, おとこ. 見て, 見て, 見て. I’m sick and tired of it, おとこ. ねえ, 見て, I know some things are more expensive, ガス, but some things are less expensive. You got to look around. そして, というのは, look at this. My pillow. I just got this guy’s having a two for one. Practically giving them away. And have you priced LP records lately? これを見てください. These cost ten bucks. Dollar-fifty on eBay. 大丈夫. Macho, macho man. They got everything on there. I got a little over a dollar. How about this? $ 0.99 Cher’s greatest hits. 見て, I think she was better after she left Ike Turner.