'Gutfeld!' on Biden's vaccine plan

LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS HOST: Not twice as good, just accurate. She was given tenure despite lacking any qualifications, embarrassing. “GUTFELD!” next.

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BRIAN STELTER, CNN ANCHOR: We heard from the governor of Washington this week talking about climate change as a permanent emergency. So my question is, how has the news media cover a permanent emergency?

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GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Just treat it like your ratings, bozo. So excited. Well, well, well, well, well, I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July. I know Kat did.

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GUTFELD: She’s fine. I mean, you know, it’s Kat. But now the 4th as you know, celebrates our independence from some toothless weirdos. It’s quite an accomplishment to travel to the Empire. So 250 years later, we can listen to this.

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Are you proud to be an American?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, I feel embarrassed to be an American every day. I think a lot of things about this country are really embarrassing. Just like I mean, racist history, colonization, even currently, just what’s going on with politics and the cops?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Not really in this climate. No, like, I’m a black person. So obviously, I experienced a lot of, you know, there’s like oppression that comes with that.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Not most of the time. I think sometimes it’s just a little embarrassing.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think that’s a complicated question for me. I think — I think most of the time, no, at least over like the past four years. It’s been tricky to, you know, love to be an American.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Halfsies on that, like, partly because, like, I feel like there’s certain topics where it’s like, very controversial, but like – – I don’t know. I just think that our economy just cares about money and not like ours — like, they’re humans like, yes, in general.

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GUTFELD: I mean, Oh my G. I mean, like, he said, like, 433 times. Halfsies. I can’t wait until she enters the real world and takes my order at Arby’s. All right. To all these lovely people who are embarrassed by America. But do they have any alternatives?

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Can you name a better country than the United States in your opinion?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I’m not sure if I can. I don’t think I can.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I mean, there’s probably a really tiny European country that thriving.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, good question. Europe.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Europe’s not a country.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, you got what I’m saying.

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GUTFELD: Maybe the British are better off without us. I mean, their food still sucks, but at least they like their country. And I know surveys like this are like shooting really stupid fish in a tiny, tiny barrel. Colleges where good grades don’t matter, as long as you get a hammer and sickle tattoo on your butt. Still there. But hey, they’re just dumb kids, right? We can forgive them. But what happens when patriotism is now considered offensive by our very own leaders?

This weekend, idiots from Maxine Waters to Cori Bush slam 4th of July is nothing more than a celebration of racism. I could read you their tweets. But why? Here’s this just from Bush. “The freedom they are referring to is for white people. Which raises a point. Perhaps our politicians do such an awful job because they hate America.” Do you ever think about that and they’re in competence is their weapon?

Think about how easy it is to subvert a Republic, get elected, then rot it from within. And if anyone challenges you, well, that’s racist. Meanwhile, National Geographic mark the 4th by tweeting that smoke from fireworks causes disproportionate harm to communities of color. So I hope you enjoyed that roman candle, you racist. But of course National Geographic’s virtue signal comes after decades of exploiting communities of color all over the world.

Oh, look at topless women in their natural habitat. Remember that? When I was a young man, I just assumed every naked woman carried a basket of food on their head. And then there’s the new Facebook feature that warns users when they’ve been exposed to extremist content. Facebook asks if you know someone who’s becoming an extremist, which is why this morning I ratted out every anchor at CNN.

But actually, you know, I did ask myself if I came across anything that seems extreme. And I did, but oddly, it’s from Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg himself.

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GUTFELD: What the hell was that? I mean, really what the hell was that? Have you seen anything as white as that in your life? I mean, if writing a hydrofoil surfboard holding an oversized American flag isn’t a mark of extremist privileged behavior. What is? All that’s missing is the red hat. A rifle rack and a plate of racist apple pie. I mean, this — in this era where patriotism is merely a dog whistle for hate.

Couldn’t want to argue that any form of patriotism and an oppressive racist society is celebrating its past and therefore an example of extremism? I believe that’s MSNBC’s mission statement. I mean, Zuckerberg is certainly not helping his own case here as he encourages citizens to narc on citizens and it’s working. At my 4th of July cookout I caught my brisket wearing a wire.

That’s a corny joke. But thanks to Facebook, it’s no longer media and government policing your beliefs. They’re motivating the public to do the dirty work for you. It’s the new version of if you see something say something. The only difference is that something is no longer in unintended — of unintended suitcase at the airport. It’s your buddy getting a don’t tread on me tattoo. The rise of cancel culture isn’t a mistake. It’s bad on purpose.

The fear of losing one’s job over something you said that’s intended, so that fear self-polices your own words, you don’t need a government to do it when your fear silences you and debate mysteriously disappears. When the world’s largest social media platform asks you to knock on your neighbor’s. It’s not just you they’re asking but your neighbors too. But at least real narcs point out people who actually broke the law.

So what if someone reports you according to Facebook, you’ll never know your accusers. How stussy is that? Big brother eases you into becoming their informant by reminding you that “others in your situation have received confidential support.” It’s a high-tech self-made witness protection plan only when you rat somebody out. You don’t have to change your name, grow a beard and move to Scranton, like Joe DeVito did.

You can think without repercussions. “Take action now to protect yourself and others,” Facebook says. Let Facebook be the bad guy. They’re protected, not you. I remember when we were young. We were supposed to fight Big Brother, not hold hands with him. I wonder what the angry white male thinks.

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TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Me? Well, I guess I spent the holiday feeling extremely proud, extremely thankful and extremely blessed that I was born in the greatest country in the world. Hey, I guess I am an extremist.

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GUTFELD: All right. It’s a big flag. How about you angry black male?

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TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Dorothy. Oh, yes. It was the 4th of July. Yes. We celebrate America’s independence. Yes. This country was built on the backs of men and women of all colors, creeds to make it where we are today. So, cheers to everybody. That’s it.

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GUTFELD: So I hope you all had a good 4th. But now it’s the 6th. You might want to take that flag down now before you get reported.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She is 50 percent class, 50 percent sass, and 50 percent bad at Math. Townhall.com editor and Fox News Contributor Katie Pavlich. If you can’t laugh at his jokes, just look at his face. Writer and comedian, Joe DeVito. She’s like a rubber band, been useful but found a snap sooner or later. Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf. And he’s a big fish in every pond. My massive sidekick and host of “NUFF SAID” on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

Tyrus, it’s easy to laugh at those students. But don’t they deserve to be laughed at?

TYRUS: No. As a parent, I would be crying. I’d be like, this is what — this is what my college money? You’re coming home. Get a day. Get in the van, leave your stuff. No, you don’t need your books. You’re not using them. Maybe some of these congressmen who — and congresswomen who said the freedom is not for us, but you work in the department in charge of that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So if you can’t do your job, why are you there?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TYRUS: What are you doing, Miss Waters?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: But it’s — this country’s not free. You’re a black woman sitting in office elected by your peers of multiple colors, sexes, genders, et cetera. That kind of means you are.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Like it’s just — what are we doing?

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s true. It’s true. So Katie, the thing — OK, so you see the students, and you can kind of forgive them even though it’s kind of sad. But to Tyrus’ point, these are people that were elected, there are leaders and they are very honestly telling you how they feel about America. Maybe that’s good that we know.

KATIE PAVLICH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, maybe it’s good. So we know exactly how to combat it, right? The problem is that college campuses have basically spilled over into real life. We used to think that, hey, you graduate from college, you get a real job, you look at your paycheck, and all the taxes are coming out of it. And you see the light of smaller government and wanting to just be left alone.

That’s not the case anymore. And if you look at where that was taken — I mean, Georgetown is like the widest campus.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: Your boss, it’s always like the white chicks.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: Who were like, I’m so embarrassed about America. Oh, my God. So bad, but I don’t want to go anywhere else. That’s gross.

GUTFELD: Can you talk more like that? I feel a new character coming on. It is true though, where does that come from? And also the up talk.

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PAVLICH: Pep talk.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s like, and so you know, it’s racist.

PAVLICH: And embarrassing.

GUTFELD: It’s embarrassing.

PAVLICH: I really need a latte.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: So, I’m going to yoga now. Bye.

GUTFELD: Yes. So Joe, I — when I was — it used to be it was cooled, in the old days to be patriotic. And it was scary to be anti-patriotic. It has flipped in order to enter all the cool clubs you got (BLEEP) on this country.

JOE DEVITO, EDIAN: Yes. Well, the only encouraging thing from watching those students is that they — they’ve been indoctrinated but they clearly have not been paying attention in any of their classes. So yes, it’s weird. Well, they go right to racism and all that because that’s their move, you know?

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: They say if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Although no one shown there’s going to be any kind of manual labor.

GUTFELD: Yes.

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DEVITO: — hold a hammer.

PAVLICH: None of that.

DEVITO: I think the colleges should be required to teach a class and patriotism. That will be fun to see the faculty’s head spin around, because there’s hardly any colleges united states that don’t take some money from the government.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: So, if we’re going to be giving them taxpayers money, why don’t we make them teach a little bit of gratitude. And it would be nice if that actually worked its way up to some of our esteemed Congress persons there. I don’t know what this problem is in the West where we’re the only culture that is so dedicated to denigrating ourselves. You don’t hear Estonians don’t have problems with their people on their Olympic teams turn the backs of their flags.

GUTFELD: No.

DEVITO: They don’t have that problem in Hungary. They don’t have that problem. People come from Kenya but somehow in the United States, you can receive all of these things and still be mad as hell.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: And it shows a real lack of gratitude and an unrealistic view of the world because no one in the history of this planet has had it easier than an American college student.

GUTFELD: Yes. And the scary thing about it is, we can no longer believe that they will grow out of it because we’re looking at 50 and 60-year-old people with this mentality who are in office. Seven-year-old people that have are in office. I want to — Kat, I really want to talk about the hydrofoil Zuckerberg. But I realized that maybe you didn’t do your research on the hydrofoil. So you —

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I mean, I — what research is there to do?

GUTFELD: Was that the most amazing video you ever saw?

TIMPF: I watched the video.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s the research.

TIMPF: Oh, great job, Kat.

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. Don’t encourage her.

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GUTFELD: Oh, don’t encourage her.

TIMPF: Thank you. No. Obviously, it’s the least relatable thing I’ve ever seen. Like ever. I don’t even know what that was. I’m not even at the level of money where I know what that was.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But we’ll get there. I wanted to point out something quickly about the fireworks article. This is why the wokeness stuff makes no sense because I don’t think it makes sense to the people who are actually writing it sometimes. Because obviously wokeness is what they’re going for. Fireworks are racist, you know, they disproportionately impact communities of color, but then if you — like reading the whole article, one of the solutions they suggested was to have police crackdown on fireworks. And I’m like, hang on.

PAVLICH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So your woke solution is you want these cops who you said — you’ve been seeing for a year are all racists.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: To go into these communities of color and go after these people for — do you — how can you hold all these things in your head at once?

GUTFELD: That is a great point.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Excellent work.

TIMPF: Thank you. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Up next. The President gets confused but the press stays infused.

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GUTFELD: We gave 80 million votes to the man who needs notes. Yes. There’s a lot at stake and he’s barely awake. And although his answers weren’t rehearsed, his cheat sheet made it worse. Telling you man, this is the first Dr. Seuss show in history that does the news. Over the weekend President Biden gave us what may be the weirdest presidential moment since FDR did donuts on the South Lawn.

During a stop at a pie shop in Michigan where he was asked about the massive cyberattack that hit over 200 U.S. companies on Friday.

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: With the most recent hack by the Russians, would you say that this means —

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We’re not sure it’s the Russians.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: OK.

BIDEN: (INAUDIBLE) I got a brief on the — as I was on the plane, that’s why I was late getting off the plane. I’ll be in better shape to talk to you about it. I’ll tell you what they sent me. OK? That the –first of all, we’re not sure who it is for sure. What else do you need?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, nothing. You’re all set.

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GUTFELD: Oh my god. Now in his defense —

PAVLICH: I’m going to cry.

GUTFELD: I’m holding back. Maybe he knows he’s being filmed. But the cards make him look feeble and loss. It’s like every old relative when they’re doing the tip. For a while the media made sure no one saw that. Which is the same as if Nicole Wallace had covered it. It’s true. They buried it faster than my dad bury Jimmy Hoffa. (BLEEP) sorry, dad. But while Joe’s cognitive skills are dropping, the media prefers his dessert toppings.

Oh, look, he’s eating more ice cream, everyone. Isn’t that adorable? Not like Trump, when he had the audacity to ask for two scoops.

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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not the dessert course, he gets two scoops of vanilla ice cream with his chocolate cream pie. Instead of the single scoop for everyone else.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Two scoops. Two scoops for me, please.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We did one critic. So the whole dominance thing extends to deserts two.

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GUTFELD: Oh.

TIMPF: Oh.

GUTFELD: CNN in their better days. Remember what a big deal that was? But at least Trump could answer a question. Ask Joe. Any question. It’s like he just went 12 rounds with corn pop. What gives Joe?

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SHILLUE: Notes? I don’t need any notes. Come on, man. I don’t need any notes. And you can take that to the bank. You lying gut face. I don’t need any notes.

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GUTFELD: Kat, that’s not a good look, right? It’s just like if Putin’s tuning in and he probably is. And he’s seeing the President basically tell this lady, his strategy. And his strategy is on a notepad for notes.

TIMPF: Well, what really was even the strategy like I was so baffled by — and I also watched this video several times. I was so baffled by how he’s like, well, I don’t know. And then he pulls out the notes. And he goes, yes, well, we don’t know. Like, are you carrying around a piece of paper that says, I don’t know?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because I think you’d be able to remember that one.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Although I will say I do that on “THE FIVE” a lot. I have a lot of notes. And sometimes I write what the hell am I doing? And then I — by accident, and I’ll actually say it. Katie, what kills me is that our government is spending more time trying to arrest grannies in red hats.

PAVLICH: Yes.

GUTFELD: But from the Capitol than actually going after these ransomware people. It’s like, they don’t — they know exactly what to do about the crazy guy in the in the horns in January 6th but they can’t figure out what to do with these hackers.

PAVLICH: Well, first of all this video is the reason why people think the election was stolen.

GUTFELD: Right.

PAVLICH: Because when you watch the video and you’re like, this guy is not prepared for this. He says, I’ll be in better shape tomorrow. Like he didn’t train enough for a marathon.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Right.

PAVLICH: Or something. And then he’s like, we are — they told me to read these notes to you. And it’s like, who is we?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: Like you are the President of the United States of America. You’re supposed to be the guy telling us all this stuff. And you write up the ransomware stuff. I mean, he gave them a list.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PAVLICH: It’s like please don’t — please don’t hack these 16 critical infrastructure.

GUTFELD: Wait, do we know what they —

PAVLICH: It’d be really bad.

(CROSSTALK)

PAVLICH: — going after that.

GUTFELD: That’s a great question. I didn’t even think of that because if they — if they — if they did it Friday, we have to compare what he did Friday —

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PAVLICH: — notes to see if they’re the same.

GUTFELD: Yes, because maybe they — maybe they listened to Biden and decided, oh, we’re just going to do everything else outside the list.

PAVLICH: And then we’ll do that list.

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GUTFELD: Exactly. All right, Joe. Did this fill you with fear or sadness?

DEVITO: That car problem he said inspected by number 12 and it’s been in his jacket for a couple of years. I’m imagining Putin watching this and just — he probably ripped his shirt off like Hulk Hogan when he saw this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: He is so excited. He’s reminiscing over how he killed 50 men with a paperclip and our president, they’re like, oh, what kind of dessert will he have next?

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: He couldn’t even order a pie. There’s an expression easy as pie.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: If he became confused during the pie eating and ordering process. So we’re in trouble it’s going to be a big mess for President Harris to clean up and it felt —

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PAVLICH: Oh, never really screw.

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GUTFELD: Yes, yes. In two months. Tyrus, how did you feel when you saw this video?

TYRUS: OK. First of all, you should never — I have a one track in mind myself. So I’m going to sympathize with the President here. I mean, come on, man. If I’m trying to focus on which pie to buy, and you’re going to lay some (BLEEP) on me? I’m going to have some problems too. I’m trying to decide between cherry, they got strawberry rhubarb that only comes in certain time of the year.

But I’m really a lemon moraine pie. And while I’m trying to figure out and check the list, see everybody at home wants and then you’re going to hit me with the rest of, like you go, but you see I’m getting pies right here.

GUTFELD: That is true.

TYRUS: What’s wrong with you?

GUTFELD: That is true.

TYRUS: This is a — this is a pie shop.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Do you see a world Atlas in here somewhere?

GUTFELD: It’s not a–

TYRUS: It’s not — it’s not — come on, it’s not his fault. Everyone knows when Joe’s mind’s on pie it stays on pie. Can’t be confusing him with world questions when he’s getting pie.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: That have been me. I’d have been like, what is your name? Get her out of here.

GUTFELD: Yes. I — you made me come around. Because like when I’m thinking about food, I can’t think about anything else.

TYRUS: You won’t (INAUDIBLE) matter of fact, he couldn’t even use — remember how much his pie cost.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: He had the little envelope his wife gave him with the $ 3.65. And he was allowed. And each pie was $ 1.10. How many pies could Joe buy? And so Joe was like, well, I can get three of this. Here’s my (BLEEP) I’m counting. Like leave me alone. All right. I’m sensitive about my pie.

GUTFELD: I understand. Up next. How rampant stealing has retailers feeling?

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GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: If it’s not in their myths, then it doesn’t exist. Yep, as crime rates climb, to Joy Reid, it’s just summer time. But as video mounts of five figure discounts, the media keeps grifting about shoplifting. I can’t help myself. This week, in San Francisco really was the land of the free. On Monday, at downtown, downtown Neiman Marcus was robbed by thieves smashing and grabbing like they were Andrew Cuomo near a female staffer.

This latest incident of wealth redistribution comes as a berry Target store, a cutting store hours due to losses from rampant theft. Stores will now close at 6:00 pm instead of 10:00, because, you know it’s a scientific fact that shoplifters spend their days doing charity work at orphanages. So, crime has Target cutting hours while criminals become empowered. Target may soon follow Walgreens closing stores for good. That’s not enough. The SFPD is reporting auto burglaries are up a modest 753 percent since this time last year, violent crime has also enjoyed a long weekend with more than 180 people killed across the U.S.

The good news is none of this is happening. According to Joe, Joy Reid in a recent Twitter exchange with New York Times Fiction Writer, Nicole Hannah Jones. Reid claimed, “I’ve seen more TV stories about crime than the actual anecdotes from friends in NYC and other big cities bear out.” So, if Joy Reid’s friends haven’t been murdered, then no one has. Right, we should go by the anecdotal evidence of far-left pundit friends over murders statistics, where the hell did you get this dumb idea?

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DON LEMON, CNN HOST: You listen to conservative media, you would think that entire cities are just, you know, and brawled, and fights, and fires and whatever. We went out and had a great dinner in New York City tonight, people actually walked up to us and said thank you for — I watch you every night, I can’t believe they thought they did to do a double take and I was actually hanging out and not seeing us on the TV screen.

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GUTFELD: That never happened. But Joy, if you’re going to steal an idea, at least make it a good one. I just liked the way that segment just kind of deflated. It was like, everybody was like, is that it? Wait, where’s the funny dog video? I was promised a dog video. Joe, is there anything at this point that anybody could do if the politicians and the media don’t care? Because they’re the ones that held the finger on influence and power? You can’t do anything without them.

JOE DEVITO, EDIAN: There’s, there’s some very simple solutions to deal to shoplifters. In San Francisco, it’s not a felony if you steal less than $ 950.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: You mark everything up to $ 960.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: And you offer a mail in rebate.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: That’s what you do. And I like the commitment to journalism on Joy Reid’s part though, that, you know, look, I’ve never had an ovarian cyst, they don’t — no, I could look them up and be like, oh, that is the thing that some people are experiencing.

GUTFELD: Right. Right.

DEVITO: So, this, this idea that because you or your group of friends who probably have pretty cushy lives have not experienced something that doesn’t exist. That’s the power of journalism right there. If you can look away from it, it doesn’t exist.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Oh, Katie this — how are Imagine if you said there’s no racism, because I’ve never experienced any racism. So, clearly, it doesn’t exist, that would get you fired and what she did with Don Lemon are the exact same thing. Because they’re negating human suffering and death because they didn’t see it.

PAVLICH: Well, the irony is that they’re supposed to be the, the side of the political aisle that is supposed to stand up for the people who are getting oppressed the most in this country. But when it comes to getting murdered or mugged on the street, or having your store looted, they seem to be totally fine with that, because they have not experienced that I don’t live in New York, and I was here last week, and I experienced it by watching people walk out of a Walgreens with all this stuff.

And the poor managers and people working behind the counter are like, what are we going to do? And those are the real victims. These are people going to work every day on time to do an honest job to make an honest living. And they’re getting totally screwed by the media and the politicians who just act like we’re not going to deal with the problem, because somehow they think it’s good for them.

GUTFELD: Yes, I don’t understand it. Tyrus, are they — why are the — is it because they’re too, they’re too linked to the, to the politically too linked to crime, to take responsibility for it so they just say, like, if we just let this kind of wave go into the fall and dissipate, we won’t get tagged? I don’t know.

TYRUS: No, I think it’s because they’ve, they’ve married that all things bad happened with President Trump and to acknowledge. You got to banish from social media, other than the rally, we don’t hear him, you see him, but you have to problems are still here. And if anything, they’re magnified and becoming bigger. So, he’s not the bad guy that you needed him to be because it’s still happening.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And here’s the thing, and to Katie’s point, they’re going to, what ends up happening is after two months of that every time at 5:00, the shoplifting spree happens. Those corporate stores are going to be like, we’re losing money there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Shut it down.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, then, they’re out of a job.

PAVLICH: Yes, it’s terrible.

TYRUS: And they got nowhere else to go for another work. So then you’re going to create new criminals. And then you’re going to create vigilantes who have had enough was going to take a bat and decide to go upside somebody’s head to stop them from stealing.

GUTFELD: And they’re going to get charged.

TYRUS: And they’re going to get charged, like it. All the while going, everything’s better now because the evil guy is gone.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And what we’re finding is that and we’ve said it a million times, not guns, knives, cars, it is people. We have embolden the wrong people. We’ve emboldened the people who don’t believe in an honest day’s work. We don’t believe in integrity, they believe that everyone owes them something. And they’re all victims. So, everything they do is OK. That’s what we’ve been emboldened. That’s what these politicians involved and they’re fine because, you know what, they’re only attacking the Walmarts in the neighborhoods where they don’t live.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TYRUS: When they come through their gated community for their houses, let’s see when Don Lemon changes his tune.

GUTFELD: Yes, Joy Reid doesn’t live near these Walmart’s apparently. You know, Kat, you must be happy, though, because have you increased your shoplifting now that you know that you won’t be arrested?

TIMPF: Well, I was going to say, I’ve also never had an ovarian cyst. So, I’m happy about that. I also just don’t think this is going to work. I don’t think it’s going to decrease the shoplifting because they’re closing the store at night.

GUTFELD: Right?

TIMPF: How is that going to do anything? People are going in there and stealing all this stuff. I think they’re still going to be able to work that into their schedule.

GUTFELD: You know what’s great for them, it’s like, hey, and our nights are free.

TIMPF: Exactly.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Exactly. It’s not like oh, well, you know, I have my day job or I sit in an office and then I go steal a bunch of stuff. No, like, they’ll be like, OK, great, I guess I’ll do that during the day, and I’ll get a good night’s rest.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Crazy times. Up next modern music gets surpassed by bands from the past.

(MERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Their joints may be swelling, but their songs are still selling. Right now, the top selling album on iTunes is Queen’s greatest hits from 1981 followed closely by Joni Mitchell’s “Blue” from 1971, which means less money for Britney Spears dad.

Amazing, half a century old and still on top. That could be you in two years, Kat. Rowdy at the top 50 include the Eagles, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Abba, Fleetwood Mac, Journey and Wilford Brimley. So, has the world finally come to their senses with regards to musical tastes? Or did boomers just finally discover how to buy music on iTunes?

But it’s just like what my dad used to say, Greg, ages just a number. And it turns out granny and I did have a blast on prom nights. Skip that. Thank you. Either way, it’s great news for aging rock stars. In fact, a while back, we came up with the perfect product to keep them going.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

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Can’t climb the big steps at Wembley Stadium? Rocks stairs. That ramp a little too steep at Madison Square Garden? Rock stairs. Having trouble getting on the tour bus? Sorry, can’t help you. Get a better bus. Rock stairs. So, why worry about busting a hip when you could focus on busting that next face metal solo? Get rock stars today.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Go around the horn so to speak. Katie, what are your thoughts on this scintillating topic?

PAVLICH: Well, I love this rock stair idea but now you need to follow the fans because I know that the fans probably feel like they need that too. But I love a classic rock. I love the Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, all kinds of folks, my parents listen to them, so, big fan got to put it on the turntable.

GUTFELD: I am disturbed Joe by the fact that none of these bands are being canceled by their outrageous groupie sex behavior of the 70s. None of us could have any fun anymore but they had a great time.

DEVITO: They did. Where do they take this survey? I’d say to Sam Goody’s? These are old, old act.

GUTFELD: By the way, that joke only works on the East Coast.

DEVITO: It’s regional?

GUTFELD: Well, yes, it’s a regional joke to you should know better.

DEVITO: But most of my jokes don’t even work up and down the East Coast.

GUTFELD: Yes, it’s true. Try to work an ovarian cyst though, by all means.

TYRUS: I’d let that go.

DEVITO: I like classic rock. The problem I find is that their bands I think I’m listening to that are new and it came out in 2002. And, you know, because I’m not going to listen to hip hop. It’s not for middle aged white guys.

GUTFELD: Yes, we don’t care about the streets. We care about the lawns.

GUTFELD: Cat, I don’t like classic rock because technically, I’m older than it. There’s no question.

TIMPF: Yes, I like it. And I think a lot of I mean, a lot of new music isn’t very good. And I like my, my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me, but he has the musical tastes of like a Forever 21. And it is so bad and it’s so irritating and so awful. Just the music, not the marriage. But I completely understand how this could possibly happen. Love you.

PAVLICH: Well, Kat’s younger than the music.

TIMPF: I am far younger. That’s true.

GUTFELD: You were born in what, 71?

TIMPF: Yes, no, yes, 72.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, what are your thoughts?

TYRUS: Well, this is TikTok’s fault. This is Fleetwood Mac’s fault. Kids hear a cool song to somebody like oh, well, what is that? And they Google it. And they realize that there was actual artists and actual music. Long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, because it’s not sampled, it’s not written by a school of musicians to make one American Idol drop out sound good. And their song there’s more things about life than whip which apparently is a car.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Girls, yes, boys, and being cool. So, when they hear reality songs, like what is that? Oh, that’s, that’s bass. And what’s the other thing? That’s a drum set, and those are called drum sticks. So, how do they sing and run around and, and do their TikTok? Well, they don’t. They don’t. So, it’s a history lesson because the new stuff is, is horrible and we care about wants to we just don’t want to mow yours.

PAVLICH: I think my biggest irritation with modern music is that it’s not poetic. It’s too literal.

GUTFELD: I don’t like any lyrics. The best music has no lyrics. Although I grew up loving queen in the mid-70s. The lead singer got all the ladies.

TYRUS: We got to talk.

GUTFELD: You always say we got to talk after then you run away from me. The CDC has got a great big idea and it’s about diarrhea. There’s your rhyme.

(MERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are you leaving skid marks at waterparks? That was not directly to you, Katie. I should the CDC tell you where to go number two? Yes, the Centers for Disease Control wants to remind you of a rule please don’t poop in the pool. After the holiday weekend, the CDC posted multiple tweets reminding Americans that you should not go swimming with diarrhea because diarrhea contaminates pool water as opposed to other places where it acts as a disinfectant.

Did you know that? Did you know that? First they wanted me to wear a mask now there’s no poop in the pool. I thought this was America. The agency was wide widely mocked up because the advice is pretty obvious, but also because they actually felt the need to include graphic cartoons of kids having explosive diarrhea while swimming, apparently believing that their guidance might be too difficult to understand. Or maybe they have an accurate view of public education.

So, either the CDC face we’re so dumb that we wouldn’t already know that pooping in pools is not OK. Or that this is actually a way bigger problem than we thought. But it’s like I always say, children should be seen and not turd. Thank you very much. Tyrus, you’re the only one here who has kids did you know this was a problem?

TYRUS: No, it’s not. Even a 3-year-old knows you don’t go in the pool.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Without being taught. But here’s the thing, I think honestly there’s no room very much like this without an audience. A group of CDC guys sat together and they said we need to win. We’ve got to hit something that they can’t say is wrong later down the road right.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And Johnson came in, sorry, I’m late everybody. Why are you late it’s the third time this week? Diarrhea. And that kept you from being on time. And so, I don’t know, let’s get a think pool together here. You pooled? You said, don’t diary in the pool? My God Johnson that’s it. Do an artists on it. Let’s go. We need to win.

GUTFELD: There you go. That’s a good point. You know, Kat, knowing the CDC, I’m surprised they didn’t say pooping in the pool was initially good for you. They not good for you and then blaming that on a wet market.

TIMPF: As long as you’re wearing a mask, I can poop in the pool.

GUTFELD: Thank you. I hope that’s taken out of context.

TIMPF: Yes, I hope so.

TYRUS: Mask and diapers.

TIMPF: I think it’s great because you know, all the stuff that they’ve been doing the past year and I think that if more of their employees spent time doing these poop cartoons, we’d all be better off.

GUTFELD: Yes, more poop cartoons less meddling in our lives.

TIMPF: More and more gotten agencies of the government should focus on doing poop cartoons and stay out of other stuff.

PAVLICH: Who is the guy who makes the graphic for that thing?

GUTFELD: That’s going to be on his resume.

TYRUS: That was Johnson’s nephew. He wants to go to arts school.

GUTFELD: Yes, IBS. You know, when I see kids in a pool Katie I steer clear because we know they’re, they’re just initially disgusting.

PAVLICH: Yes, children are very dirty and disgusting. Also, the CDC is a month lay on this. Doesn’t the pool open on Memorial Day? And it’s like, when did you guys want think about putting this thing out? If you’re really concerned about people at the pool.

TYRUS: It was a long meeting. It was a lot off —

PAVLICH: The very law, lots of bureaucratic steps committees that had to be formed to come to this consensus, but this should apply to everywhere. So Boys in New York City bosses, the Amtrak bathroom just don’t go anywhere.

GUTFELD: Or Joe why not like my idea which a lot of people didn’t really like, but I’m thinking it’s going to grow on them is having toilets installed in the swimming pool? Well, so you’re swimming and if you need to poop you just like sit down poop in the pool. Well, it goes right down according to science.

DEVITO: One of their other graphics was telling you not to swim in a toilet. I’m not making that up. So I guess I guess when Dr. Fauci said double masking, he meant it both ends. Cover yourself up.

GUTFELD: Speaking of diarrhea, didn’t you want to plug something?

DEVITO: Speaking of plugs, I will be appearing at theater three in Port Jefferson, New York this this Saturday, so we go from number two to theater three. It’s a seamless segue.

GUTFELD: Are there bathrooms?

DEVITO: Fantastic.

GUTFELD: You know, when I do any live events, I need to know everything about the bathrooms.

TYRUS: Just diaper up, Greg. That’s certainly what I like to have fun in Vegas. Be right back.

(MERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Katie Pavlich, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf, Tyrus our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you America.

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