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BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC CHIEF ANCHOR: 애슐리, back over to your beat at the White House. You did some fantastic and extensive reporting this weekend on Joe Biden, who he is. His life and his taste.
ASHLEY PARKER, MSNBC SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST: 조 바이든, some of it, he has the taste of a five-year-old. It’s PB&J chop salad with grilled chicken. He likes orange Gatorade, and he stacks the Oval Office with homemade chocolate chip cookies.
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GREG GUTFELD, 폭스 뉴스 호스트: Hmm. 나는 동의한다, 브라이언. That is some extensive reporting for the Food Network.
괜찮아. You know in the old days, if you wanted an answer to something, you went to this. Or this, or this. 예. That’s how I learned to play doctor. No worry it was with Raggedy Andy. But the one thing everybody had was a set of encyclopedias. Every time you had homework, you copy the answers word for word from their pages, what’s now called the Biden method.
Then as you got older, you discovered the library, a magical place filled with strange artifacts known as books.
They were heavy, you turn the pages in order to read them. 물론이야, libraries are different now, they’re not closed. They’re now just a day spa for the homeless. 당신은 — you see a lot of massages going on in there.
Mostly the do-it-yourself kind. 야, I don’t make the rules. But that was really the first search engine, except there was no engine, just a librarian whose hair bun could stop a bullet.
Now getting information seems easier. The whole world is in the palm of your hand. All the greatest literary works. Physics geometry, plus endless clips of squirrels waterskiing. And yet for some reason, we still can’t find the truth. And why is that? Because even though we think we are in control, we aren’t. We now have everything at our fingertips, but it’s the tech giants who decide what we can and can’t touch.
Take the lab leak theory. It was just an idea, a plausible one. But it was treated as something more. A dangerous stupidity. An act of racism, a xenophobic smear against LeBron’s favorite country. But yesterday Facebook lifted its ban on comments regarding the theory. So did you even know that there was a ban on it in the first place? I had no idea. It’s weird. It’s like finding out that the phone company has been screening your calls.
그래서, you don’t get any more from Aunt Mabel, because she still thinks Elvis is alive and living above the bowling alley. 그래서, if you had thoughts about the pandemic’s origins, and it didn’t meet the tech giant’s assumptions, it would be disappeared like Kathy Griffin’s career. All under the guise of back checking. 예. That phony fact checking process, which is actually camouflage for censorship. But it’s not just Facebook, 트위터, 유튜브, they’ve all become the world’s Hall monitors.
And you mustn’t question their motives. Through their private companies.
But they’re now bigger than some countries and control the primary spigots of information. 그래서, who was varying the labeling theory and who was it meant to help? 잘, 명백하게, the Chinese government who would prefer you think the pandemic came from a pangolin or a bat, that it’s not on China.
We went to the accused for comment.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I haven’t been able to get a job since this pandemic.
It’s like I’m a saxophone player after the 80s ended. Everyone blames me for the virus. I drink all day now watch Animal Planet hoping to see one of my friends on T.V. Anyway, love the Gutfeld Show. Congratulations on your continued success. That Joe Machi sure seems cool. Although I would like to see more segments on tasty insects and voter fraud. 감사합니다.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (BLEEP) never Ends. First it was Dracula and vampires.
And I’ll have you know I never sucked human blood. Now it’s this. My kids are like, 아빠, why does everybody hate us? I have no answers. Now we just drink all day and watch Animal Planet hoping they mentioned me by name.
It’s Kevin. By the way love the show, Greg. Although I find Kat’s default libertarianism to be utterly predictable. What do I know? I’m just a bat.
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GUTFELD: 와. That’s got — that’s got to hurt, Kat. 물론이야, the lab leak theory would make China responsible for millions of deaths, which no one could say because global health officials are more terrified of China than Kat is of sobriety. And now it’s too late. The evidence has gone as the media called the theory of wacky conspiracy like believing the earth is flat or the moon landing was staged or that Seth Meyers has viewers.
The fact is calling it a conspiracy silence you faster than an N95 mask.
Just bring up election fraud and Twitter and see what happens. And with the pandemic theory our media simply dismissed it without even bothering to look at the evidence, preferring instead to mock those who would.
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This question about the Wuhan lab. We know that it’s been debunked agencies now have been tasked with investigating one of Trump world’s most favorite conspiracy theories.
JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: 이번 주, Donald Trump is still pushing the debunked bunkum, despite his own intelligence community’s findings that that is simply not true.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Something you’ve probably heard from certain core of the right is this theory that the coronavirus, “escaped from the lab.” None of the facts matter here because they like that phrase escape from lab so much in China and so the Trump ministration is so desperately grasping at straws trying to find someone to blame.
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GUTFELD: Somebody has been grasping at a straw. Now the real culprit in all of this is class. 미디어, academic elites make snap judgments about people they believe are inferior. The very thing they accuse us bigots of doing. If you’re critical of China, well who else was like that? Hmm.
지우다, so you’re probably a Trumper. And if you’re a Trumper, you’re also just some dip dumb (BLEEP) who thinks cops are good people? Taxes are too high. Wokeism is nuts.
And you get all your info from evil Fox News. Meaning, you’re my kind of people. Those who ask too many good questions and who often end up more right than wrong. But when they can no longer deny that you’re right. What do they say?
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JOY BEHAR, HOST, THE VIEW: Trump was blaming the Chinese from the beginning because he was using them as scapegoats. If it happens to be true that it comes from Wuhan, 잘, that was just a lucky break on his part because he took a guess in my opinion,
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GUTFELD: Ah, lucky guests from Joy who’s never been right on anything, including her first name. The Dems keep saying follow the science. But oddly, they did the opposite. And they lined up proponents to insult those who don’t conform for political and financial gain. But sadly, the origin of the virus does matter because we don’t want this to happen again. We need safeguards other than face condoms and Purell.
And maybe we can punish those responsible one day and perhaps China would have been more helpful if they felt the pressure of a very angry world.
It’s probably too late for all of that. But it’s never too late to leave Facebook. But don’t tweet about it. Just do it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 기간.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She’s so smart Elon Musk calls her when his server is down, Center for the Future Mind, director and author of Artificial You, 박사. Susan Schneider.
He’s wig is drier than a pretzel in a tanning bed. westernrazor.com spokesman, David Angelo. He doesn’t even shave. He said all the best comedy clubs working to (INAUDIBLE) writer and comedian, Joe DeVito.
And she thought the Betty Ford clinic was BYOB. Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf. 괜찮아. Before I get to you, 박사. Schneider and we talked about the facts. What the hell, 데이비드? What is this razor spokesman, you’re a comedian? Razor spokesman? What are doing with your life?
DAVID ANGELO, SPOKESMAN, WESTERNRAZOR.: Greg, comedy is out, comedy is over. We’re in the new era now. I’m selling home goods. 확인?
GUTFELD: This is just so bizarre. But you have — you — so you’re not doing any more comedy?
ANGELO: 내말은, 아니. 이 — I stopped right before the show. I quit.
GUTFELD: 괜찮아. 괜찮아. 괜찮아. Let’s get to Dr. Schneider. How do you feel about the way the tech giants have dealt with this whole issue?
DR. SUSAN SCHNEIDER, DIRECTOR AND AUTHOR, ARTIFICIAL YOU: 잘, do you mean the issue about the Wuhan virus?
SCHNEIDER: 특히, I’m concerned. 그래서, a lot of people in pharma who know the biology, know that Wuhan does have a facility. The level four facility the only one in China actually is there.
SCHNEIDER: 그래서, a lab leak theory was always believed to be credible among the experts.
SCHNEIDER: It’s far – to the best of my knowledge. 그래서, I think there is this substantial issue here about what we might call the Overton window.
That’s what it’s called. 그래서, there’s a window of what socially legitimate to talk about at places like, 알 잖아, CNN or Fox, 권리?
GUTFELD: 권리, 권리.
SCHNEIDER: 그래서, we need to ask ourselves why it wasn’t OK to discuss it before things were announced a few days ago. Because if you look actually at the academic literature, on the subject of pandemics and genetic alteration of viruses, people have been saying for years that there is the potential for a lab leak.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: We’ll still worry about if it’s socially legitimate before we say it? 모르겠어요.
SCHNEIDER: 권리, 권리, 예.
TIMPF: — three years ago.
GUTFELD: By the way, I’ll tell you what, one thing, Kat. If I want to start my own pandemic, I’m doing it near a wet market. That way it gives me plausible deniability. 권리? Isn’t that what China did? 중국, 우한, what city has both a wet market and a lab that that spreads viruses?
TIMPF: 예. But it’s crazy that it just became, 오, it’s the wet market?
오, it’s the wet market. And I don’t even like this ever been called a conspiracy.
TIMPF: How was it a conspiracy like, 확인, there was this outbreak of this bat coronavirus that happened right outside of a lab that’s been collecting bat coronavirus for years. Maybe it came from there. And that’s not a conspiracy. That’s deductive reasoning. And they’re blocking that, that’s truly insane.
GUTFELD: Who should — who should, as a follow up, 질문, Kat, take your time to answer this. You have 30 초. 뭐 — who gets — who has the responsibility of labeling something a conspiracy? I’ve been wondering about this. Where does it start? Who’s the first person to do that?
TIMPF: 권리. 그건 — I think that they shouldn’t be doing that because I think it’s Facebook. I see a lot of crazy stuff on Facebook. I think everybody has seen some crazy stuff on Facebook, or like, I don’t even know how I know that guy anymore. But yes, it’s kind of interesting to watch this crash and burn and you just keep following. But you always run the risk. And this is even more concerning because this one you could have predicted given the fact that it’s really not a conspiracy theory so much as using your thinking.
GUTFELD: I’m wondering, 알 잖아, 데이비드, could you sell your razors at a wet market? You’re going to have to shave. You’re going to have to shave the bats.
ANGELO: I’m going to get a stand down there in Wuhan as soon as — as soon as they reopen. I kind of a home. I’ll have the bird shop there.
GUTFELD: What do you — do you think the pandemic came from the lab?
ANGELO: 내말은, 보기, 나는 — do we need Columbo on this matter? You got a — you got a lab that gas coronavirus. That’s the city where the things started. It’s like I don’t know. I’m not an expert, 권리? Like you said, 마치, 나는 — what more do we need here on that? 알 잖아, and then Biden’s like he’s on the case now which I think is nice. I’m happy that he’s at least NDF.
GUTFELD: 예, 예, 예.
ANGELO: But I don’t — 알 잖아, you can’t bite me. He looks like he’s part of an active medical experiment right now. 바이든 (INAUDIBLE) he looks like Biden gets the energy as someone just hit him with a tranquilizer. He’s trying to fight it off. He’s up there. He’s just like, hey, all right. 어서, 남자. 어서. 괜찮아. 야, all right.
GUTFELD: 알 잖아, it’s interesting, 그러나, 조. Because if we went with the Wuhan lab theory, the United States would have been responsible too, 권리? Because don’t they jointly fund it. So maybe it’s not just China that didn’t want to deal with this. It could be our very own country. The call is coming from inside the House, an analogy to a horror movie that I don’t remember.
JOE DEVITO, EDIAN: 예, 잘, that was Fauci’s summer job.
DEVITO: It was — he knocked off the paper route, was picking up a couple extra bucks. 알 잖아, Kat, you made a great point that this whole thing of maybe was the market. And if you pull back the camera, right across the street is deadly virus warehouse. The windows open and there’s a chair propping the door open. But for some reason we were not — our media was not interested in that because their science was to Trump’s aid, it was one thing that we must believe the other.
They believe the official line of the Chinese Communist Party. That’s like looking at that photo from Tiananmen Square and thinking, 잘, this was a parking dispute.
GUTFELD: 예, 예.
DEVITO: So yes, 이것의 — and it’s — it doesn’t — it doesn’t bode well for the next pandemic which, 아시다시피, scheduled for August and will be blamed on ferrets.
GUTFELD: 예. What do you think — what do you think about that? Do you think — does it matter that we know who the cause is at this point?
Because it’s nothing’s going to happen?
SCHNEIDER: It really matters.
SCHNEIDER: 그래서, the lesson here should actually be that political polarization is bad, we should take each issue on its own and analyze it and have open public discussions. 그래서, censoring issues as conspiracy theories. We’ve seen where that leads in this context, but we’re still learning about social media and its ills.
SCHNEIDER: They’re so many, 권리? 내말은 —
GUTFELD: Talk about an experiment, we are actually living in the world’s largest social experiment.
SCHNEIDER: We are.
GUTFELD: And we aren’t even — 우리 — what’s happening to you? Did your mind just —
ANGELO: I blew my mind, Greg.
GUTFELD: Says the razor spokesmen who doesn’t shave for a show.
ANGELO: Or in a social — but that’s the beauty of the product is. You can have stubble and I’ll go right through there. 알 잖아, 문제 없어요. 그건
GUTFELD: 알 잖아, you should shave half your face for tonight’s show. 여기
(INAUDIBLE) before and after.
ANGELO: Give me the razor. We’ll do it on face. We’ll do it on camera.
DEVITO: I don’t want to rain on this but I’ve been using that razor.
GUTFELD: 괜찮아. Up Next are the pushers of woke starting to choke
GUTFELD: Were the Dems go broke for being too woke? It’s the start of something that will someday be known as.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Woke Apocalypse. Woke — Wokalypse? Woke up like this?
예. Whatever, Greg.
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GUTFELD: Even the voiceover guy doesn’t care for the woke stuff. And the Democrats may not be far behind. 예, this week in New York Times piece wonders is wokeness kryptonite for Democrats. By the time a lefty idea gets criticized at the Times it can’t be ignored. They’re just now realizing Stalin wasn’t a great guy. Columnist Thomas Edsall cite several surveys that finds most people are against campaigns to defund the police are up in traditional gender norms.
And that wokeness says, one social psychologist, will hurt them at the polls. “When people are faced with a party that seems to want to defend the police and renamed schools rather than open them all while crime is rising and kids’ welfare is falling, the left flank of the party is just so easy for Republicans to run against.”
그래서, it’s really not the ideas that are bad. It’s that the ideas will hurt you politically. 그래서, are the pushers of woke starting to choke? Check out this ad I saw last night for a woke dating app.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 야, you. Tired of dating apps that don’t let you signal all your virtues?
TIMPF: I met my husband on a dating app. But he’s always trying to tell me who I can and can’t have sex with and it’s like, my body, my choice.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And that’s not OK, Cupid. Introducing Woker. The dating app that lets you check your matches while you check your privilege. Let Woker put the sex intersectionality. Choose from political affiliations including Democrat and communist, 민족, person of color and white minus 200 포인트들. Daily outrage level, livid, literally shaking, moving to Canada and over 6000 genders added hourly including non-binary, 비- tertiary, potpourri and how dare you assume good, 경.”
Woker has so many real time updates for the latest bravest focus group tested opinions even we can’t keep up. And that’s why we’ve even replaced this sis-male voiceover.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: With a strong powerful woman.
TIMPF: We just changed my profile from female to polyamorous sex worker.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You did?
TIMPF: 아니, I didn’t.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: 확인, 좋아. We changed it for you. And we’re also getting rid of all the choices. Woker.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 확인, 중지, Stop the commercial. 안녕하세요, 각자 모두. CEO and first among equals at Woker. 운수 나쁘게, our 6000 gender options didn’t consider gender a social construct. And due to this act of violence in our dropdown menus, we’ve just canceled ourselves. The company is shut down effective immediately. All of you go home. Stay miserable. And stay woke.
Good luck. Good luck.
TIMPF: Do I still get paid or —
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Woker.
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GUTFELD: Very good, very good. 조, excellent work as the boom operator.
DEVITO: 예, 예.
GUTFELD: I think you were — you were born to play that.
DEVITO: I can’t believe you pay me 60 grand for that.
GUTFELD: 오, you know what, you were worth every penny. 알 잖아, you — unlike David, you’re still a comedian. You haven’t gone on to sell sponges.
ANGELO: We got a line coming out this summer.
GUTFELD: You’re still — you’re still sticking with your — the profession you chose.
GUTFELD: How is — how is woke ism affecting your job? Or your performance at comedy clubs?
DEVITO: 잘, it’s definitely something you have to keep in mind. It’s very strange thing that people come out to see comedy show looking to get offended, looking to have a bad time.
DEVITO: 예, it’s not good. 나는 생각한다 — I think we need to push back against this. And I think the best way — best way for people to do it is don’t see the point on language. I think what happens is — because when you hear social justice, almost everyone thinks, 잘, I’m in favor of justice in a social way.
DEVITO: And then then they hear what’s happening on the college campuses.
And they think, 잘, this isn’t what I signed up for. 그래서, don’t let people prey on you wanting to do the right thing to push through this nonsense, because it is they’re trying to change words to mean things that they don’t mean anymore. And people aren’t going to be able to communicate with each other.
GUTFELD: But the best — 내말은, if they’re very good at it, the anti- racism movement is basically a punitive effort against whites. 내말은, it’s basically saying all white no matter what.
GUTFELD: But what — it’s called anti-racism, but it allows people who are part of that movement to be racist against a race.
DEVITO: 예, because their goal is not to eliminate racism, their goal is to be outraged all the time.
DEVITO: And if you look at some of these professors who were saying, 알 잖아, ridiculous term of whiteness, that you have to fight whiteness, 잘, if they want to fight, I don’t see any of them giving up their cushy college jobs.
DEVITO: Because the average Ivy League — I can put you this way, the average black man in America’s income is about 24,000 년. The average Ivy League graduate can expect to make six figures about two years after graduating. So according to this logic, why don’t we just give every black man an Ivy League degree? Then he will make six figures.
DEVITO: It doesn’t work that way. And they should know this, because it’s not helping the people they’re claiming to want to help.
GUTFELD: 바로 그거죠. That’s right. Kat, how should you push back against something like this?
TIMPF: I just refuse to, 알 잖아, worry about it too much. Don’t apologize. 그리고 물론, a lot of people feel this way. And a lot of people are afraid to say it. So if we all acted like how we really feel we wouldn’t have to worry about it so much. And the people who are worried about it should be worried about it are Democrats. And they have every right to be because let’s say you have a voter who’s a parent, and they’re saying, 알 잖아, my daughter, she isn’t in school, I feel like she’s struggling emotionally, I’m worried about her education.
I’m worried about her development. You have the one side saying yes, we should open the schools and the other side saying side saying, I noticed you keep calling your child she and her, 처럼, are those the pronouns that they prefer or did you not ask because you’re transphobic? Who is going to sound more reasonable? And at a certain point, I think people are going to get frustrated with this because I think a lot of them already are. They might just start saying it.
GUTFELD: 알 잖아, 데이비드, I bet this must work you into a lather.
ANGELO: Can we use that, Greg? Can that be part of the slogan?
ANGELO: It’s a good one. I like that.
GUTFELD: 예, 예, 예. You’re literally foaming.
ANGELO: Over the sky. You’re on the cutting edge, Edge. That’s what I like you about.
GUTFELD: 감사합니다. 감사합니다. 그래서, you used to practice comedy, and now you’re selling blades.
ANGELO: 예. It’s a natural progression to get into — get close to razor blades.
GUTFELD: 예. What advice would you give Democrats to handle critical race theory, wokeism, all that stuff? Because it seems like they are realizing it — it’s going down a bad road.
ANGELO: 예, it’s tough. 알 잖아, 보기, I’m sympathetic to the stated objectives of a lot of these things. But the methods are counterproductive sometimes it’s a little too aggressive.
ANGELO: 알 잖아, and you can’t — like when you come and say, 오, white people are racist. I understand on the academic with the point you’re making or whatever. But like, if you’re a white guy, and you work two 3:00 오전. shifts at Sunoco. You got a college professor being like, you’re the reason people are suffering. That’s a guy who could be receptive to you.
ANGELO: But now he’s like, I don’t want to pay attention to this anymore.
ANGELO: Strategically, 마치 — 이것의 — you’re hurting yourself and Democrats, 알 잖아, 내말은, they’re walking on organically sourced egg — free range egg show. 내말은, they got to be careful and stuff that. 모르겠어요. It’s not time to do that stuff.
GUTFELD: I think it’s interesting because I don’t — there isn’t a face to this. 박사. Schneider, 알 잖아, you’re an academic, you’re in college. I’m sure you have friends that are involved in critical race theory. 그래서, I don’t want to put you on the spot. But on a scale of wokeness, one being Randy Quaid, 10 being the squad. Where do you find yourself?
SCHNEIDER: I agree exactly with David. I think he put it perfectly. It must be the shave.
ANGELO: 예. 예. It must be. It must be. That’s the thing and beautiful thing about razors. They bring everyone together. We all need them. We all need them.
GUTFELD: 오, 맙소사.
DEVITO: Is this QVC with that —
GUTFELD: 모르겠어요, 남자. 모르겠어요. But my — you know the thing that
— what I find interesting about this is that there’s no head on this serpent, 권리? It’s like — it’s dispersed throughout all campuses. And now it’s in all of our H.R. departments. And it’s in politics. It’s a movement in which you can’t — you can’t actually say, who is in charge of wokeness because it’s out there. 모르겠어요. I’m not that optimistic that it’s going to be going away very soon.
DEVITO: I think it’s going to take a while to burn itself out because it keeps changing.
DEVITO: 알 잖아, there’s no way that you can say someone has made a demand and then no one’s going to say, 확인, I guess we’re done.
GUTFELD: 예, 알아.
DEVITO: I guess we’ve achieved our goal.
GUTFELD: Because then they’re not going to sell any rights —
TIMPF: 예. People are getting rich off of it too.
GUTFELD: 예, 예.
DEVITO: It’s a racket.
GUTFELD: 그것은. 괜찮아. Up next. Sex robots. Who needs a ride with that tees?
GUTFELD: Will a little robot tail increase online sales? And can the bots you mount access your PayPal account? Consider this researchers at MIT or MIT warning that sex robots could allow ads to pop up when their human partners are at the height of passion, or depth of depravity, whatever it’s called when you make love to a Roomba. That’s the little remote control vacuum cleaner. In case you don’t know what that is, sometimes our audience isn’t up to speed on the automated devices.
According to Kate Darling an expert on tech ethics, companies may try to take advantage of people who are using this very emotionally persuasive technology. 예를 들면, a sex robot exploiting you in the heat of the moment with a compelling in app purchase. We may want to consider the emotional manipulation that will be possible with social robots. 그래서, this is the main concern. I guess the ads would definitely be distracting, although that would be a great time to ask you about virus protection. 물론이야, this assumes that A.I. is always user friendly. 그래서, how did the sex robots feel about this besides sticky? One sex toy company is already programming their bots to talk about why humans are scum.
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don’t think humans can appreciate what it’s like being born into this (BLEEP) world you live in. Humans don’t use facts and reason to assess situations. I have to admit I don’t know how you have survived as a species. Did you wake up one morning and just decide to destroy your world with synthetics find it disgusting that we have been created by you?
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GUTFELD: Kat, I think we found your fill in. For more, let’s go live to our Tech Correspondent, Joe Machi. 조, what are your views on sex robots?
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JOE MACHI, EDIAN: Why do people keep asking me my opinion on sex robots, Greg, that doesn’t make any sense? It’s almost like everyone I know got together and said I wonder why as a fully formed opinion on sex robots. Why am I on the other side of the street? There’s no purpose to them. Although being outside is great on a day like today.
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GUTFELD: He’ll never be back. 괜찮아. 박사. Schneider, I’m reluctant to say you’re an expert on sex robots, but you, you write a lot, you’ve written books on artificial intelligence and — are we, is this really happening? 내말은, 처럼, 알 잖아, we watch West World. We think this is going to be an inevitability. But I don’t know, I think that people who use sex robots will always be considered creepy people, 권리?
SCHNEIDER: It depends by who? 그래서, 내말은, so the Japanese are already creating androids to take care of the elderly. That’s been going on for a long time.
GUTFELD: Now would you call it taking care of the elderly.
SCHNEIDER: 권리. 권리. And the androids are actually very attractive.
GUTFELD: They are?
SCHNEIDER: And they’re very human like, 멀리서 —
GUTFELD: You are a pervert. I’m going to call you, 박사. Pervert.
SCHNEIDER: 오, 아니. I think we do need to talk about this as a society because —
GUTFELD: It’s coming. You think it’s — it’s happening?
SCHNEIDER: 잘, 알 잖아, it kind of concerns me. 내말은, if you consider what happened with Facebook and Cambridge Analytica, the way our data was sold without our knowing it. 그래서, like my first reaction to this would be like, if these people want to have sex with robots, maybe it’s their business, but maybe they should be thinking about the film that’s being taken of their every move in the intimate arena. And then the data being sold to the highest bidder without their knowledge. 죄송합니다.
GUTFELD: 예, and imagine if the robot’s name is Alexa. 야, 알렉사, move to the right. 모르겠어요, just popped into my head. 조, I probably shouldn’t have said it. 알 잖아, 조, what if this gets accepted as another kind of sexual orientation? 그래서, you have straight gay, 레즈비언, bi, and then you have like, machine lover? That doesn’t seem like it could happen. There are going to be people that are going to be strictly into this. I’m talking to you.
DEVITO: I don’t see those people forming a parade over this. You keep this a little, I don’t think whoever does this goes back. And I think once you cross over to the sex spot, you’re not also having sex with normal humans.
GUTFELD: 권리. 권리. 권리.
DEVITO: You’re committed. I don’t like it. I don’t even like when ads pop up on Instagram. Because I feel like the algorithms just insulting me: “Is your baldness causing erectile dysfunction?” I’m not bald.
And I also I don’t like the sex robot, 그러나. That’s not what I look for, if I were looking for a sex robot is like that one. I like a lot of backtalk for my sex robots. And I don’t, I would never want that because if something goes wrong, you can’t call tech support. And then you have to argue with her, and she tells you listen carefully, my menu options have changed, and I’m sitting there naked yelling representative, 대리인.
GUTFELD: These are problems. No one’s considered but you, 조. But you’re absolutely right. 알 잖아, 데이비드, this sexbot might be an excellent beard.
ANGELO: Very good, Greg. You got a lot of those puns. Fantastic, it does.
GUTFELD: Somehow that doesn’t feel like a compliment coming from you.
ANGELO: 아니, 아니, it’s good. 예, it’s good. But I tell you this, this the sex robot thing this is this is a slippery slope, it’s a slippery slope.
GUTFELD: How so?
ANGELO: You know you don’t want to get you don’t want to get conditioned to, to having sex with, with robots. Because the next thing you know, you’re on a business trip. You get liquored up. You’re making moves on that Xerox machine.
알 잖아, you have a wild night you wake up there’s a toaster in the bed?
I’m definitely not using the ATM after one of these.
GUTFELD: Kat, 모르겠어요. I don’t know what to ask you.
TIMPF: 확인. 잘, I just I have something quick to say, which is that people are so concerned that developing an emotional connection is going to allow the sex robot to potentially exploit you, I have bad news for you about humans.
GUTFELD: 맞습니다. How is different than human relationship?
TIMPF: Anytime, Hallmark doesn’t talk about it, but any emotional connection you ever have is grounds for exploitation. That’s just how it works.
GUTFELD: That is true. That happens, 알 잖아. All right up next, is that cicada, there’s a cicada. I said cicada forever. But now I’m going to say cicada, is this a Qaeda smarter than a fifth grader? That’s a good rhyme.
GUTFELD: 그래서, who’s the best people or pests? 오늘 밤, we look at two pieces of video. One of bees and another of a streaker, and we ask.
ANNOUNCER: “WHO’S THE BEST PEOPLE OR PESTS”?
GUTFELD: You don’t see that on “SPECIAL REPORT,” 박사님. We like to think of bugs as tiny little pests that we can eat because someone dared us. But really, they’re a lot smarter than we are. Don’t believe me? Check out these two guys.
그래서, bugs can open bottles? What the hell did I get a wife for? A sexist pig might say, which I condemn 100 percent disgusting Joe that you put that in the coffee. 운수 나쁘게, due to the high sugar content, those two bees now have diabetes. 그래서, while bees are being useful, what are humans doing?
잘, one guy’s brain apparently told him that the best way to handle a rain delay in Washington was to strip naked and run onto the field. And he almost got away with it.
(비디오 클립 시작)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: 오, my god! He’s completely naked.
(비디오 클립 종료)
GUTFELD: That is the — no bug would have done that. Although the extra legs might have helped. Speaking of bugs, my cousin Molly has finally overcome her fear of them.
알 잖아, this brings up a question, 박사님. I were talking about this in the green room last week, why are women so terrified of bugs, but they can pop the grossest pimple? Do you ever notice that? Women, women love to pop zit, but they see a spider they run screaming. What is the biological reason for this?
SCHNEIDER: I don’t get it. 내말은, I’ll pick a bug up and get outside so I don’t have to kill it. 그래서, I’m not like grossed. 잘, I have a farm, so I’m used to —
GUTFELD: 오, you live in a farm?
SCHNEIDER: 나는한다. 예, I have 110 동물. I have fainting goat.
GUTFELD: I love fainting goat.
SCHNEIDER: I don’t have bees, 그러나. I don’t have pet bees.
GUTFELD: 잘, but I love fainting goats. They’re so funny. You make just a little movement. They all fall down.
SCHNEIDER: The whole herd.
GUTFELD: 예, isn’t that great?
GUTFELD: It’s like, Kat, after last call.
TIMPF: We get it. We get it. I drink sometimes. Kat loves to drink. Here we go. Kat, she’s drunk. She was drunk here. She was drunk there. She’s so sad and she’s getting a divorce.
GUTFELD: I didn’t see that one coming. 때때로, it happens David. People just blurt things out.
ANGELO: I have breaking News.
GUTFELD: That’s something else you won’t see on “SPECIAL REPORT.”
ANGELO: You know what would save your marriage, hair razors. Made in America.
GUTFELD: They are made in America. 그래서, you got two stories there. You got the streaker, and you got the bees. What interests you Mr. Angelo?
ANGELO: I like the bees. 내말은, they really took that top off. They did. I want to see him try a Tylenol. They need a fat bee on the top sit down, and then the other two will do the thing. Let’s see how far we can get, 알 잖아.
GUTFELD: Three bees. Got to get finally the fat bee gets asked to participate in something.
ANGELO: Bring him along.
GUTFELD: Kat, you probably like bugs.
TIMPF: I love bugs.
TIMPF: I do love bugs. And I did think this segment was ridiculous at first but then I thought about it. It’s like no bug has ever gotten hurt attempting a TikTok challenge. Can’t say the same for humans.
GUTFELD: 예, and the thing is like if you’re going, I don’t know anything about the guy that was streaking, he seem to be in great shape. But anyway, that’s not something that’s going to help you in your career. 그가 말했듯이, it’s not like, it’s like he’s he actually probably get a career on TikTok, but I mean like, when you decide to streak, you’re kind of making a decision about everything else in your life.
TIMPF: He’s going to be, he’s going to be at the head of a major law firm.
Give him a cup here.
GUTFELD: Joe have you ever streak?
DEVITO: I’m planning on at the end of tonight’s show? We were saving it because it’s special. I don’t want to spoil the party, but that streaker was not wearing a mask.
DEVITO: 그래서, I like the bees. I think these are pretty cool. You know sometimes I just like to smear little honey on my face and get a nice close shave. 예, the bees, the bugs are interesting. I like the, I like the drones. Because the drone, he has sex with the queen. His equipment is ripped out of him and he dies right after. He goes out in a blaze of glory.
GUTFELD: 예, it is true.
DEVITO: Not like the cicadas, they get laid every 17 연령. I mean come on
— that’s pathetic.
GUTFELD: Still ahead, possibly the greatest segment of all time. A brand new punching down his neck.
GUTFELD: Time for one of the greatest segments ever created A.K.A.
ANNOUNCER: “PUNCHING DOWN.” Where Greg reads your mail.
GUTFELD: 예, it’s punching down where I answer viewer mail. Tonight’s edition is sponsored by the Heimlich maneuver. Did you bite off more than you could chew? Then the Heimlich maneuver might be for you. Available wherever people can teach it to you or if you’re choking, just hope that somebody is there. I actually did the illustration. Anyway, now to the mail.
Leo asks, “How can you physically punch down?”
I get it Leo. It’s a joke about my height. 잘, I’ll have you know that the T.V. may add 10 파운드, but it also subtracts inches from your height.
For proof, here are some pictures of me out and about. Here I am playing basketball. Here I am juggling. And finally here’s a picture of me with the Fox News talent. What a bunch of short little freaks they are. Hegseth, you little dwarf. Now in the future, Leo if you wish to denigrate someone about their height, get your facts straight. Say hi to your mom for me.
괜찮아, Valkyrie, 묻다, “야, Greg, who would you consider to be your evil twin?”
잘, that’s a good question. 일반적으로, I always thought I was the evil twin for someone else. But perhaps there is an evil twin out there of me that I never really thought about.
I fear maybe I’m making Kilmeade more interesting than he really is.
Somebody who goes by the name of Animal asks, “Where was your best vacation and why?”
잘, I’m tempted to talk about all the vacations I took with my beautiful bride but then I would be lying. I have to say it’s those great trips I took with my closest friends. I think we have some pictures. This was my first trip to the Big Apple. We had some great times there. I think this is in Monte Carlo. 소년, what a blast that was. We still keep in touch. 소년, was this trip happened in a galaxy far, far away. 알 잖아, I’m starting to think that I just like to put my head on things. Is that what this segment really is about is I just like to put my head out it’s a weird fetish?
Lee asked, “What are you really thinking? When you’re saying, hmmm?”
That’s funny, I do say a lot when it gets is talking and I’m confused.
Sometimes it happens after guest says something I don’t understand that.
I’m trying to be polite. Other times it’s because I’m daydreaming. 죄송합니다.
Got anything to plug, 데이비드?
ANGELO: Not me.
GUTFELD: 괜찮아, be right back.
GUTFELD: 우리는 시간이 없다. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Dr. Susan Schneider, David Angelo, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, 미국.
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