In my own 12-year relationship
, pandemic lockdown with a toddler put a real strain on any warm and fuzzies
. Thinking about a whimsical and romantic Valentine’s Day feels eons away in a far and distant past or future
. Right now is more about keeping us all alive and sane
. There are a lot more
“did you really think you washed the dishes
?” より “I desire you
” in our rapport
It’s important to celebrate love
それでも, I know how important it is, especially during these challenging times, to make space to honor and celebrate love. And it feels important to find a way to honor the person who has helped to hold it all together for our whole family over the past year.
Many couples say they will do something for Valentine’s Day
, but only one in five will attempt an actual date outside of the house
, によると new Monmouth University poll
How can you use Valentine’s Day as the reason to try to recommit to your one and only, even if you are sick and tired of being together?
Never mind if you can’t remember the last time you shaved your legs or stepped out of sweatpants. There are pandemic-safe ways to get that spark back in a year that has extinguished flames with great efficiency.
Don’t worry about planning an over-the-top Valentine’s Day from home. That’s an overwhelming proposition at a time when it’s hard enough to remember what day it is or when you last changed your underwear. It’s worth considering a more pragmatic approach.
If you are one of the many couples mourning a loss of intimacy, Valentine’s Day might be the perfect excuse to invest in repairing romantic fissures.
“It can be hard to access our senses of pleasure and desire during crises
. But it’s important to remind ourselves that play is a survival tool
, and it’s not just going to come on its own
,” said psychotherapist relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel
“We have to really take ourselves there in the same way that, if we want to eat, we’re going to have to cook. So many people have asked me how to maintain connection in this new normal. It starts with you and opening yourself up to the possibility of connection,” 彼女は言いました.
Perel recently launched a workshop
, Rekindling Desire
, intended for couples to help
, and sensuality in your relationship.
” She recommended that couples start with
,” which turns a mirror first on ourselves to quiet that inner critic and allow ourselves to be more open to pleasure
“It is amazing how much we open up to others when we open up to ourselves first,” 彼女は言いました.
Once you are more open to giving and receiving intimacy and love with your partner, 必ず “create space, even when there isn’t any in theory,” said New York metro-based dating and relationship exert Rachel DeAlto.
“Assign a day a week for two weeks where one partner takes on all the roles in the house and the other gets to do anything they want, whether it’s read a book in another room, spend the day roaming Target or get together at a distance with friends,” 彼女は言いました.
What can couples do?
Now that you are open and have created space, however creatively in this time of limited comings and goings, you are ready to take steps to make that deeper connection with your partner. What does that involve?
“Covid lockdowns have provided more quantity of time for couples than most other years, but that doesn’t automatically lead to better quality,” said New York-based family and relationship therapist Damon A. ジェイコブス. But it’s hard to “maintain a fire,” 彼は言った, “when there’s so little air.”
There are several things you can do, Jacobs said.
It starts by accepting that sex and passion are not a given, particularly the longer a couple have been together. Practicing mindfulness to shut out the running tab of to-dos in your brain, and try to focus on each other, perhaps by planning a sexy date.
Radical forgiveness is another suggested approach to clearing the path of judgment and negativity to simply appreciate your significant other for all the good that they bring to the relationship.
Jacobs also encourages novel ways to play with your partner.
“Normally in our society we consider objectification of another person’s body to be professionally and morally wrong,” 彼は言った. “But when it comes to re-creating desire in a long-term relationship, objectification is your friend. Perceiving your partner as an object of lust can help with connection.” And if life is hectic and sex is not on the agenda, try scheduling time, suggested Jacobs.
全部で, Valentine’s Day 2021 is unlike any other. Don’t feel pressured to pick up the dozen red roses and the box of Russell Stover chocolates and pretend to be happy when the Earth is churning below your feet.
Use the day as an excuse to get real, to connect and communicate with your partner about the daily grind and what you appreciate about one another. Take steps to improve your bond, whether it’s committing an act of service that alleviates their to-do list or doing something genuinely thoughtful.
There is no shame in advantaging the day to seek out the help you might need to strengthen your bond, and it doesn’t hurt to throw in an extra dose of kindness, and maybe even kink.