“We’re in the middle of a cold, invierno oscuro,” James Austin Johnson as President Joe Biden said kicking off this weekend’s “Sus canciones se han vuelto tan populares que la favorita de TikTok.” “This winter is so dark, Republicans don’t think it should vote.”
Johnson’s Biden then explained this virus has disrupted our lives, las vacaciones, gender reveal parties and “wildfires that started as gender reveal parties.”
Pero, él dijo, there is one simple thing that could make all of this go away.
“Stop seeing Spider-Man,” Johnson’s Biden told the American people. “Piénsalo, when did Spider-Man come out? diciembre 17. When did every single person get Omicron? The week after December 17.”
He then took questions from the press.
Ego Nwodim’s reporter asked if he was really blaming the Omicron variant of coronavirus on “Hombre araña: Sin camino a casa,” cuales broke box office records el mes pasado.
“sí, yo hice,” he responded. “Next question.”
Bowen Yang’s reporter asked if Biden believed Covid would end if people stopped going to the movies.
“I didn’t say stop going to the movies,” Johnson’s Biden said. “I said stop seeing Spider-Man. You can see anything else.”
He explained that he, por ejemplo, saw the first half hour of “Casa de Gucci” and that was “enough movie for anyone.”
Another reporter, played by Heidi Gardner, asked if this theory was based on any kind of data.
“sí, everyone in America has seen Spider-Man like eight times,” Johnson’s Biden said. “Everyone in America also has Covid. Stop seeing Spider-Man.”
Johnson’s Biden then said he hasn’t seen the movie because he couldn’t get tickets.
Yang’s reporter asked about problems with testing and the rise of cases.
“You want to know if you have Covid,” Johnson’s Biden said. “Look at your hand. Is it holding a ticket to Spider-Man? Si es así, you have Covid.”
Biden also blamed inflation and the inability to pass the voting rights bill on the Spider-Man movie.
He then took a final question, which was if there’s a version of Biden in the multiverse who *wants* people to see “Hombre araña: No hay camino a casa.”
“Finalmente, a good question,” Johnson’s Biden said. “Realmente, I thought about this a lot. I’ve consulted with Dr. Fauci and Doctor Strange. As far as I can tell, there’s at least three Joe Bidens.”
Pete Davidson then showed up from a different universe as the real Joe Biden saying that this universe was about to collapse.
“Hurry before the portal closes,” Davidson’s Biden said before saying the show’s signature catch phrase, “Vivir… De Nueva York, it’s Saturday Night.”
