“I’m back!” McKinnon’s Fauci greeted at the top of the show’s cold open. “Do people still think I’m sexy or are we done with that? When people see me on TV they think, ‘Oh, this can’t be good.'”
The fake Fauci said vaccinated people who have received the booster can “unclench” over the new omicron variant because the series of shots has been shown in recent data to be effective.
But, he said, Americans still have questions like, “‘Is it safe to travel?’ ‘Can I still use this as an excuse to get out of stuff? I would like to never work again.’”
“Do people still think I’m sexy or are we done with that? When people see me on TV they think, ‘Oh, this can’t be good.'”
Scientists from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (played by “SNL” cast members) then came out to perform several “holiday scenelets.”
“Please keep in mind, they’re not professional actors, they’re simply nerds who are trying their best,” Fauci said.
The first “scenelet” showed a man (Mikey Day) asking a restaurant hostess (Heidi Gardner) about eating Christmas dinner at the establishment, but he said he had lost his vaccination card that was required for entry.
“You mean you lost the little one-inch piece of cardboard they gave you?” the hostess asked. “Then you are banished from society. Have fun living in the woods.”
McKinnon’s Fauci protested the validity of Gardner’s claim.
“You can get a replacement card … I think,” he wavered.
Later, Fauci asked people to remember that the pandemic has affected many people economically.
“Keep that in mind as you watch this next scene: “Two Unemployed Brothers on Christmas Day.”
“We both lost our jobs because of COVID,” they claimed.
“We both lost our jobs because of COVID.”
“That’s not why you lost your jobs,” Fauci corrected, shaking his finger.
Republican Reps. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Cecily Strong) and Lauren Boebert (Chloe Fineman) also appeared, each holding assault-style rifles.
“First, they said the shutdowns were until they found a vaccine,” Strong’s Greene said skeptically about what she called a “fake disease.” “Then they found a vaccine and said it worked, then they said that everyone should get it, then people got it and it saved their lives. If that’s not communism then, honey, I might not know what communism is.”
Fineman’s Boebert added, “And remember: Guns don’t kill people. People, people, people.”
Lastly, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas (Aidy Bryant) came out and told Fauci he was handling the pandemic “textbook bad” as exhibited by him being the only one not wearing a mask at last week’s funeral for the late U.S. Sen. Bob Dole.
Bryant’s Cruz added that he got back at Dole for saying no one likes him when he ran for president in 2016.
“This week I got him by – not being infectious – but just imagine looking down at your own funeral and the only face you can see is mine,” Cruz said, beaming.
Fauci, in closing, said he understood the country is divided but felt there were things all Americans could agree on, like wanting to spend time with their families.
“Or run it back solo to Cancun,” Cruz suggested.
“Family is all we have,” Andrew Cuomo said solemnly while he and his brother appeared behind Fauci.
“Yeah, as of two weeks ago,” Chris Cuomo agreed.
Singer Billie Eilish both guest-hosted the show and performed as the musical guest.