'The Five' on Biden's COVID origin investigation, reunión con putin, cancelar cultivo

Esta es una transcripción urgente de “El cinco,” Mayo 26, 2021. Esta copia puede no estar en su forma final y puede ser actualizada.

JUAN WILLIAMS, ANFITRIÓN DE NOTICIAS DE FOX: Hola, todos. I’m Juan Williams along
with Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Jesse Watters, and Dagen McDowell. Su
five o’clock in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.

Get ready for more anarchy in the air, this Memorial Day weekend. We’ve
been telling you about a surge in rowdy passengers. The FAA is now warning
about a spike in bad behavior, y por una buena razón. New photos show a
Southwest flight attendant who was left bloody and reportedly had two teeth
knocked out after being punched by a passenger.

Southwest says the passenger had, quote, “repeatedly ignored standard
inflight instructions and became verbally and physically abusive upon
landing.The woman has been charged with felony battery but a witness
claims the flight attendant provoked the altercation.

Now sadly, scenes like this might be the new normal. In a typical year the
FAA seize about 100 cases of unruly passengers, but so far this year the
number has jumped to 2,500. The federal government is now issuing warnings
like this.


not going to tolerate behavior that threatens the well-being of the public,
the employees that bravely are on the front lines to facilitate the travel
for individuals who want to reunite with friends and family. Asi que, la
consequence regime is in place.


WILLIAMS (on camera): Jesse, yesterday on the show we were talking about
how the U.S. is ready to get out and party, we are optimistic but now it’s
like we are not only ready to party but we are ready to pounce. I’m
wondering, sabes, I’m wondering if you think this is just a result of
COVID pressure, what do you think is going on?

JESSE AGUAS, ANFITRIÓN DE NOTICIAS DE FOX: This is why we can’t have nice things. Come
en, guys, you’re going up 10,000 feet in the air, there’s rules to keep
people safe and flights on time. This is isn’t the subway going up the
Yankee stadium.

Part of me thinks some people in this country are uncomfortable when
someone else has authority. They are used to their spouse telling them what
to do, maybe their boss tells them what to do. But when they get out of
that comfort zone and someone in authority tells him to do something, they
think they are getting disrespected.

They are not getting disrespected. They are just being told to do what
everybody else is being told to do, put on a seat belt and put on a mask. A
part of this is people get uncomfortable when you have a stranger, a flight
attendant standing above you while you are sitting down. And you are in
close proximity, people get their back up they feel angry.

Women can’t be doing this, Juan, women are the more civilized sex. Women
cannot be knocking other women’s teeth out. That’s what guys do. Women have
to calm us down. If women start throwing punches the whole world going to
hell in a hand basket.

WILLIAMS: My gosh.

AGUAS: So right now, creo, I’m looking at this, what’s the argument?
She said put your mask on, put your mask on. There is no debate, que no es
like the flight attendant said Trump really won Arizona, there’s no
discussion. There’s nothing to get upset about, you just do what you are

A part of being in a society is being civilized and obedient, I do what I’m
told and I’m turned out great so far. We need (Inaudible). We need fines.
And it’s always southwest, isn’t it, Juan? Always southwest. Por qué? Ellos
should start putting sedatives with the peanuts when they hand them out
because people are amp up on that airline met.

WILLIAMS: dias, how much does this have to do with the politicization of
mask wearing?

the politics of it, and listen, this woman who knocked two teeth out of
this flight attendant, a fine isn’t enough.


MCDOWELL: The FAA is going to have to start banning people. Flying is a
privilege, not a right. But since 9/11 in the last 20 años, sabes, la
flight attendants have a great deal more enforcement power, and the rare,
raro, rare flight attendant, you’vewe’ve all encountered them, is power
tripping and instead of flying the friendly skies it’s flying the shut up
and sit down skies.

Y entonces, with the mask issue, people don’t like being harangued, violence is
never acceptable but we’ve all experienced that flight attendant. And let
me just finish with, escuchar, I have a volcanic temper, it can erupt at a
funeral if somebody steps on my new shoes.

And I’ve been flying for 50 years and I have never caused a ruckus on the
avión. I have never been arrested on a plane so if I can contain myself, if
somebody takes their flip-flop off and put their big Chewbacca foot between
the seats and like my hand touches it, if I can compose myself in that
instance, everybody should be able to mind their own business and follow

WILLIAMS: OK. Asi que, Dana, I was thinking, sabes, when you get on an
airplanethis is something Jesse was touching on actuallywhen you
get on an airplane you have no First Amendment rights, you have no Second
Amendment rights, obviamente. But you are in ayou are basically getting
into a company, a corporate, sabes, corporate rules, government
regulations rule, so what do you think people don’t get? Are they just
rebelling against all these rules?

PERINO: Yo no. It does feel like, sabes, hopefully it’s not going to
be a trend, and although those numbers were pretty high, me gusta 2,500 es un
lot. It could be that people


PERINO: — have been cooped up for a year and now they are out there and
they’re getting back to social norms. But I also think that this would
it’s not enough, these fines of $ 10,000, I think that the fine should be
much higher and they should be enforced immediately. And I think a ban.
There has to be some sort of consequence.

But also, Secretary Mayorkas, sabes, otra vez, the administration has very
confusing mask of guidance.

AGUAS: sí.

PERINO: He’s at his press conference by himself there at the podium with a
microphone and I’m pretty sure he’s vaccinated and he’s wearing a mask, y
I can barely hear him. And at some point, we are going to have to have a
conversation, companies and airlines, on the subway about the mask thing.

Because they came out today and said if you are vaccinated your chances of
reinfection are like .000 por ciento. Asi que, if you feel that way, y entonces
there’s a question, should you have to show your vaccine card to get on
vuelo? I’m not saying you should have to because there are people that
might not actually be able to get the vaccine for lots of different reasons
or they refuse, whatever it is.

But I’m not saying these aren’t hard conversations but we need to start
having them. Plus, I’m pretty sure everyone needs to start serving better

WILLIAMS: Bien, that’s a good point. Asi que, Greg, I was thinking about how
much stress there is around these days, sabes, shooting down the street
today, obviamente, eight people died in a mass shooting in San Jose, you’ve
got more of these hateful kind of hateful comments, hate crimes being
committed against Americans against Americans.

What would you say to our leaders to try to heal us, to try to like, you
know, get back to, sabes, this is a good time, let’s be kind to each

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CO-HOST: Bien, I think if you look at any incident
in any conflict whether it’s in the air or in line at McDonald’s or on the
camino, what you’re seeing is a disturbing lack of conflict resolution
skills. This is why parents, mentors and good teachers matter because
that’s where you learn to reduce the heat.

Desafortunadamente, and it’s a combination of factors, lack of accountability,
the rise in social media, we have a generation, we have a lot of people who
only know how to turn up the heat, they don’t know how to reduce the heat.
Asi que, when you are put in a situation like this where, I call it the
substitute teacher theory where the flight attendant or airline personnel
has the heavy burden of dealing with somebody they have never met before.
And they have to exert authority over that person or else they lose the
whole classroom.

Now you see this with substitute teachers, they kind of almost overly-
discipline because they need to send a message to these people that don’t
know them. I think there is athere is a real serious misconception over
what is considered acceptable behavior. We’ve never seen more lack of
accountability in today’s culture, felons are charged and released before
cops are done doing their paperwork.

We talked about, bien, we need the airlines to really do a firm hand. Bien
no one is doing a firm hand in Portland, derecho?

PERINO: Derecha.

BUEN CAMPO: Asi que, we tolerateif we are tolerating this behavior on the
street as you point out and violent felons get arrested and released in a
matter of hours, do not be surprised when you see dramatic spikes of
violence on planes


BUEN CAMPO: — when you have the recidivism of thugs who a year ago would
have been jailed for years are now out, sabes, hurting people. Asi que, I
think that, I think we’ve gotthere’s a number of factors in there and
then you just got to talk about how unpleasant it is to fly.

Este es — this is an industry that unlike so many other industries have
not improved. It is incredible, everything has gotten better. Computers,
cell phones, cars but airlines just seem


BUEN CAMPO: — airlines are like Coca-Cola, same flavor for the last 50


AGUAS: Delta has made some improvements, Greg, and as a SkyMiles member
I’d like to commend Delta for those improvements.

BUEN CAMPO: Well done, Jesse. I loveI have Delta miles.

AGUAS: Good for you.

BUEN CAMPO: Thank you.


AGUAS: I’ll see you up there.

WILLIAMS: Está bien, guys, your Delta miles are protected. Hasta la próxima,
President Biden finally open upopening up a probe in the COVID lab leak
theory after shutting down a previous investigation. Next on THE FIVE.


PERINO: President Biden ordering U.S. intelligence to redouble their
efforts to find out exactly where the coronavirus came from. That is after
his administration shut down an investigation led by former Secretary of
State Mike Pompeo to do the same thing.

Biden putting out a statement today that says the intel community is split
between two likely scenarios on COVID’s origin, a Wuhan lab leak or animal
to human contact. They have 90 days to report back to the president.
Republican senators argue Biden didn’t really have a choice.


SU. TED CRUZ (R-TX): Joe Biden and the Democrats need to stop their
cover-up that is benefiting the Chinese communists at the expense of the
American people.

SU. LINDSEY GRAHAM (R-SC): The only reason that Biden is doing this, su
becoming untenable not to look into whether the virus originated in a
Chinese lab. We need to find out what happened so it never happens again.
And if the source of COVID-19 that world the world upside down is from a
lab in China, we need to hold China accountable.


PERINO: Está bien, Jesse. Asi que, we here we are, I have a little list. I
thought you’d like it but I’ll do it quickly. When Pompeo and others,
remember they say it comes from a lab, they were ridiculed. We’ll talk
about that in a moment as well. Then Pompeo and U.S. intelligence starts
this investigation, Biden gets elected, shuts it down, now says the
National Security Council will do it.

When all of that is happening, the Wall Street Journal has a story that
says, actually three people in China went to the hospital, actually it
looks like it could be coming from a lab. And now all of a sudden, there’s
a new investigation and redoubling of efforts. How does this sit with you?

AGUAS: Asi que, you get Joe’s schedule every day. Usually maybe one kind of
half event comes out. Today the schedule comes out, he has nothing.
Nothing. He has no events. Very light day. I don’t know what he does.

So on a day that he has nothing to do, and the report comes out that says
you just killed the investigation into the lab, he comes out and releases
this big statement and says, we are going to investigate this lab theory
and it was the day after the White House press secretary said we didn’t
need to actually do this investigation.

Come on, and now the spin comes out that oh, sí, the people that were
doing the investigation for Trump, sí, it was kind of sloppy.

PERINO: Derecha.

AGUAS: The guy doing it was a bloodhound, Dana, he investigated Al Qaeda
finances, he worked for both parties, he had a legit resume.


AGUAS: Asi que, I don’t trust whatever the intelligence team is going to put
out for Joe Biden. No credibility to me, they could have some good people
in there, some patriots but he hired a bunch of Russia hoaxers, Triunfo
haters, corporate lobbyists in there. They’re not going to get to the
bottom of it and he’s right.

The cover-up continues, the question is, who are they covering up for? Are
they covering up for Fauci, are they covering up for China and corporate
America? Are they covering up for Hunter? Has hunter even divested from
that investment fund? I don’t think he has, so what’s going on here?

Let me just play like some logic here, Dana. If it didn’t come from a wet
mercado, OK, if it came from a wet market, then why two weeks after the
pandemic was unleashed to the wet markets go back up and running. Why do
they still have wet markets all over China?

quiero decir, if it came from a wet market wouldn’t the Chinese say, sí, this is
where it came from, we are going to ban this and point to the species that
it came from. No. En lugar de, what they did was they silenced and disappeared
the scientists, erased all the files at the lab and now the state media in
China blames the U.S. military for unleashing it. Does that sound like
someone has everything under control?

PERINO: It does not.


PEROINO: And then there’s a media angle, Greg. I love this paragraph from
Jim Geraghty of the National Review. He was writing about the lab leak
possibility and he got absolutely ridiculed. So today he writes this, you
idiotas. Idiots. Schmucks.

You all sat there, so smug and confident that you were the smart ones, y
that knuckle-dragging little old me, with my YouTube video from an expat
Google Translate versions of Chinese- state health agency web sites, y
old medical- research papers, had to be chasing Bigfoot and Elvis and UFOs.
Set up the buffet table of crow, because I want to watch all of you eat a
lot of it. Will they do that?

BUEN CAMPO: No, they won’t. De hecho, they’re not trying to cover up anything,
they are just trying to cover their butts. Por cierto, I have toyou
know, we have to express some sympathy for the wet market industry, I’ve
been on the line with the national wet market association, comercio
association and they’ve been hit pretty hard by this and it’s going to take
a while for the wet market industry to bounce back from this unfair smear.

The pangolin’s, the bats, sabes, delicious, delicious but no one is
eating them, Dana. But I think, sabes, what happens is this is just
another example of whatever Trump does, no matter if it’s right, we can’t
do it. If he found the solution to aging, CNN would come out in favor of

So they cannotthey cannot be on the same side as him even though it
turns out that he’s beenhe’s got a pretty good batting average if you
look at, sabes, probably the first real, sabes, loudest voice on
porcelana, derecho? Even before the pandemic, the travel ban.

Remember when he pushed Operation Warp Speed and we can’t trust the vax
said the media, said Biden, we can’t trust that because Trump. What is that
sound like? It just sounds likeit sounds like this. We can’t trust what
the truth is because it’s Trump even though it’s the truth. And this is
where the big problem lies.

Even if Trump was wrong about something, you should still do the news, you
idiotas. I’m starting to sound like Geraghty. These are two separate issues.
They are two separate issues. Me gusta, you can say I don’t like Trump,
therefore I don’t trust him on this issue. But I should really explore the
lab leak since it seems to be the simplest explanation. you should be able
to do both of them. That’s not on Trump. That’s on the news.

PERINO: Juan, why do you think the administration all of a sudden
announced today a redoubling of efforts and 90 days to report back?

WILLIAMS: I think you said it, Dana. We now have from intelligence sources
reports about these two or three people, apparently people who were at the
lab who got sick, and this is going back into much earlier than we knew and
got sick with symptoms. We are not sure but it could be that they got sick
with symptoms of COVID.

Asi que, we have more information from public sources that would justify that
kind of investigation. quiero decir, right now there should be, there’s no
question it there needs to be an investigation. There are more conspiracy
theories and origin theories about this than the Kennedy assassination so
we need to get to the bottom of it. You can’t trust China in my opinion
because it’s a repressive authoritarian regime where the truth can get you

Asi que, I think that we’ve got to somehow find a way to get this done. Ahora, you
know, you guys are talking about what Pompeo did, I’m not sure that Pompeo
is the right guy to do this, porque recuerda, the Trump administration
handled COVID so badly that I think lots of people like Pompeo would glad
to somehow look at origins to just try to distract and change the subject
and get away from their own responsibilities.

Asi que, creo, sabes, even here in this country, it gave you an idea
political pressure is an investigation. We can’t get together and say let’s
have an investigation of January 6th and an attack on our own capitol.


WILLIAMS: Imagine what’s going on in China.

AGUAS: Can I just say something correct something Juan said? The State
Department under Trump in January put out a fact sheet that says these guys
got sick in 2019, that was out three months ago. That’s not new, Juan.

PERINO: Derecha.

MCDOWELL: Derecha.

PERINO: dias, último —


WILLIAMS: Three months. En otras palabras, not when Pompeo started.

AGUAS: sí, but today he will announce this. OK.

PERINO: Está bien. dias, last word to you.

MCDOWELL: Trump handled the coronavirus epidemic badly? One word on that,
vacuna. You know what, this is one of the biggest stories certainly in my
lifetime. And to quote Greg Gutfeld, “common sense is the enemy of
ideologues, especially stupid, lazy ideologues.And I mean the media.

Asi que, from day one, people on Fox and Fox Business were talking about the
Wuhan virology lab which we knew was performing gain of function research
on coronaviruswhich means to make them more deadly, to ramp up their
spread. We knew that. But what was the media doing? Siding with the
communist party of China instead of a sitting U.S. Senator, Tom Cotton who
was talking about this virology lab more than a year ago.

So that’s where the media is and they are still doing it. Peter Doocy asked
Jen Psaki about this very issue two days ago. And yesterday and that idiot
site, what is it, media aitus (Ph) was writing mocking stories about Peter
Doocy. And then today the whole White House press corps is like, trying to
ask Jen Psaki about it.

It’s one of the biggest stories of our lifetime.

PERINO: It is.

MCDOWELL: But Trump, bad dictator in charge. Mientras tanto, three and a half
million people are dead because of communist China and a virus that likely
came from that lab.

PERINO: There’s a little bit of that temper she told us about in the a-

Coming up, President Biden accused of pandering of Vladimir Putin after
setting up a face-to-face meeting with no preconditions.


AGUAS: President Biden and Vladimir Putin set to meet June 16th in
Geneva, Switzerland with no preconditions. Asi que, is the media going to accuse
Biden of being a KGB agent? What about the Colonial Pipeline hack? Here is
the White House defending it.


JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: We don’t regard the meeting for
the Russian president as a reward. We regard it as a vital part of
defending America’s interest. And President Biden’s meeting with Vladimir
Putin because of our country’s differences, not in spite of them.

UNKNOWN: Will there be any preconditions?



AGUAS: And remember how Joe Biden approved that huge giveaway to Russia
by dropping sanctions against the pipeline that goes to Germany. los
president is now spinning it as not really a big deal.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: It’s almost completed by the
time I took office. And to go ahead and impose sanctions now, I think is
counter-productive in terms of our European relations.


AGUAS: Está bien, Dana, you’re probably familiar with a few of these big,
high level meetings. How do these things happen and should there have been
preconditions in your opinion?

PERINO: Probably not. Although there might be some in private. quiero decir, you
canyou can kind of have your own, derecho, for going. But this will be
their first chance to meet as President Biden and then Putin. I imagine
that Putin is like, sí, what have you got? Sabes, I can outlast you.

And in Putin’s mind, he’s running circles around America, and especially on
this Nord Stream 2. Me gusta, I get it that it’s almost finished. But like the
Keystone pipeline was something where you didn’t want to upset your
European allies, but what about your neighbor to the north?

AGUAS: Derecha.

PERINO: What do the Canadians do? Justin Trudeau is up there like, wait,
Hola, quiero decir, we were going to have this. And if the issue is climate
change, the climate is a global issue, derecho, so the pipeline is there
de todas formas.

This meeting will be highly scrutinized. And for all the people who
suggested President Trump wasn’t tough enough on Russia, when you actually
look at the facts coming out of this summit meeting, that I think will be a
very interesting comparison.

The last thing is, I wouldn’t have called it a summit.

AGUAS: Por qué?

PERINO: Because I think that makes it too grand.

AGUAS: sí?

PERINO: I would have said, we’re going to get together for coffee and
that’s it.

AGUAS: sí, maybe some orange Gatorade, Juan. How about a little orange
Gatorade with Vlad?

WILLIAMS: Bien, I think you know, to me, it’s not like Trump meeting with
Kim Jong-un with no preconditions. All Kim Jong-un wanted was the meeting.
That put him on the world stage as a world leader. And in this case, nobody
doubts that Vladimir Putin is a leader of a powerful nation.

But I think going into this, it’s Biden who has the upper hand. quiero decir,
clearly, Putin bet on Trump on ’16. He won. He doubled down in ’20, then he
lost. (INAUDIBLE) Ahora, what’s Biden going to do? Biden is going to say,
what about that Colonial Pipeline hack, Vlad? What about that? What about
election interference, Vladimir Putin? What about the way that you treat
dissidents? What about amassing troops on the border in Ukraine?

All of that is not something that Vladimir Putin wants to talk about. You
certainly don’t want to talk about it with someone who has the power of Joe
Biden in terms of the economic power that we can exert over Russia.

AGUAS: Bien, I agree with that. We always have the upper hand as America.
But he already cleared him, Greg. He said Putin had nothing to do with the
hack and let them off the hook.

BUEN CAMPO: Sabes, what’s interesting is when the outgoing President Obama
met with Donald Trump, he told him that the most vital urgent threat facing
the United States was North Korea, North Korea which we no even talk about
anymore. And why is that? Because of that no precondition meeting that
Trump had with Kim Jong-un which removed a psychological barrier and a
psychological threat from our country.

We all remember what happened in Hawaii and people thought they were going
to die. We don’t even talk about it anymore. Literally scratch that off the
list of urgent threats. That’s pretty amazing. That would have won any
Democrat a Nobel Prize. Pero por supuesto, what does Putin have on Joe Biden?

Considering that hunter Biden’s actual real life makes the Steele Dossier
sound like Winnie the Pooh, or shall I say Winnie the Pee? Asi que, creo
clearly Putin has Biden in his pocket. Joe could be a Russian asset,
perhaps a Manchurian candidate, maybe even mentally ill. We should consider
que — what is it, the 25th amendment? And I’d like to quote Rachel
Maddow. Where is Konstantin Kilimnik? Tick, tick, tick, tick, auge.

AGUAS: sí. And to your point, after that meeting, for three years, norte
Korea didn’t test a long range missile or a major, major atom bomb. Todos
derecho, dias, asi que, big expectations for this meeting because I have a
feeling the media is going to just make Joe look like GI Joe.

MCDOWELL: sí, they will try. But in terms of the timing, it’s not just the
Colonial Pipeline hack, it’s not just the gift to Russia in the pipeline
into Germany, what about the Minsk’s Lukashenko, Putin’s proxy in Belarus?
The Wall Street Journal editorial page wrote about this, who forced a plane
to land in Minsk and then took captive a journalist who is said to be
tortured right now.

Asi que, the timing does look like a reward, a gift, a giant cake wrapped in a
box with a huge bow on it. What’s Biden going to say to Putin, cut it out,
which is what Obama said to him about the election interference? And one
more thing, Joe Biden called Putin a killer. Asi que, why is he so anxious to
sit down next to a murderer?

AGUAS: We will find out pretty soon on June 16th in the lovely country of
Suiza. Hasta la próxima, Hollywood liberal Seth Rogen thinks comedians should
shut up and just accept cancel culture.


MCDOWELL: From Jerry Seinfeld to Dave Chappelle, comedians have been
calling out cancel culture and political correctness among woke audiences.
But actor Seth Rogen thinks they should stop complaining and just accept


SETH ROGEN, ACTOR: Decir cosas terribles es malo. Asi que, if you said something
terrible, then that’s something you should confront in some way, forma, o
form. No creo que eso sea cancelar la cultura. That’s you saying something
terrible if that’s what you’ve done.


MCDOWELL: Bien, he’s spine free, Greg. You have a backbone and you’re
hilarious unlike Seth Rogen. What do you say?

BUEN CAMPO: Bien, I think probably the dumbest argument anyone could make when
they’re dismissing a concern is that it’s never been a problem for me. Asi que,
I’ve heard people use that argument when there are true claims of sexual
harassment and when there are false claims of sexual harassment. It works
on any side.

Es como, bien, sabes, it’s never been a problem for me. It basically
translate into do not look to me for any support when you get in trouble.
You saw how he ditched his best friend, James Franco, who is a sleazy guy
who had Seth Rogen knew he was a sleazy guy. He worked with him for years
until Franco got too sleazy, and then Rogan just dropped him like a hot
patata. Not a very good analogy.

But anyway, I don’t knowmaybe Seth doesn’t have to worry for a few
razones. Sabes, he is completely inoffensive lately. He’s never said a
shocking thing in his life, except maybe turning down a joint. Él es
increasedhe’s very liberal, so that will offer him some cover. Pero
there’s one thing that he might have to revisit, and that is the rape scene
in Observe and Report which many would say was played for laughs. AND I
think maybe he forgot about that. I don’t know. But that’s something that
may end up haunting him, although I don’t think he should be canceled for
it because he’s playing a character.


PERINO: Bien, en primer lugar, I noticed that he said it on Good Morning
Britain. Y por supuesto, we know there’s no first amendment there, derecho?
Asi que, they have issues. But also, ifI’d rather be on the side of Dave
Chappelle who I think has spoken so well about this. Kevin Hart, Jerry
Seinfeld, and Chris Rock has also said something. I would ratherI would
love to see all of them debate this one. That would be like an intelligence
squared debate I would go to.


WILLIAMS: Bien, I think being rude to people, sabes, intentionally,
demeaning, bullying people, I don’t think it’s funny. I don’t think it’s
I agree with him on this point. If that’s what you’re doing, sabes, you
have toyou’re going to have to pay the price.

The thing about American comedy, at its best, it does cross lines. Y
that’s why it holds up a mirror to American society. And that’s why we love
American comics from, sabes, Lenny, Bruce to, sabes, all the way to
Chris Rock. That’s the best of American comedy.

But if you’re going to look at cancel culture, dias, quiero decir, you look at
it in terms of the politics of today where cancel culture is a big
grievance on the right. Bien, Liz Cheney just got canceled for speaking the
verdad. mientras tanto, Marjorie Greene Taylor, she’s like making Hitler-like
comentarios, but she doesn’t get canceled.

Asi que, you got to start and think well, exactamente, are we talking about comedy
in the American tradition or are we talking about something that’s just
fits your political tastes at the moment and you’re protecting?

MCDOWELL: We’re talking about in comedy, Jesse, nothing is off limits
because humor and laughter actually make the worst situations even
tragedies bearable.

AGUAS: Derecha. Asi que, I think Greg touched on it a little bit. Rogen is
talking about himself. His pal Franco was accused of a lot of misconduct by
women who were kind of maybe even 17. And at the time, Rogen made a joke
about it. And now years later, after the allegations have become a lot more
credible, and a lot more, he’s now apologized for making that joke.

But comedians aren’t complaining about cancel culture, they’re complaining
about woke culture. Because woke culture kills comedy and makes everything
boring. Chris Rock said it. They’re not getting any edgy material anymore.
When the edge is here, everyone just hangs out here now. Or the edges come
back so far, no one’s pushing it. Juan is right.

I mean Pryor, Eddie Murphy, George Carlin, they’re not complaining about
their jokes didn’t age well. Their jokes aged beautifully like Dana Perino.

MCDOWELL: Well said.

PERINO: Guau. What do you need? What do you need?

AGUAS: Anything. Actually I do have a favor. I’ll talk to you after the

BUEN CAMPO: I can’t tell if that was a compliment or not.

AGUAS: Fue. Por supuesto, it was.

MCDOWELL: I’ll just end with this. You mentioned Pryor and Carlin and Eddie
Murphy and Lenny Bruce or Joan Rivers or Paul Mooney who just died. Esto
bumbling bag of cowardice that we’ve been talking about this segment, él
will never be mentioned alongside those greats ever. los “FASTEST SEVEN,”
up next.


BUEN CAMPO: Welcome back. Time forTHE FASTEST.While scientists work on
solving that pesky problem known as death. There’s a new age ceiling on
human life that you can aim for. Researchers think it’s possible you can
live to be 150 años.

Dana, as Jesse has pointed out, you have been ageing beautifully.


BUEN CAMPO: What happens if you can live to be 150 but everything starts
falling apart at 90?

PERINO: No, sé — that’s what I was thinking. I’m like, do you want to
— me gusta, at what point can you say, bien, I’d like to beyou maybe this
edad, whatever it might be for myself. Can I be this healthy and feel like
this until like 125, and then maybe that’s not such a bad deal. But I don’t
know how I wouldI don’t think I’d do very well after — bien, my
grandmother lives, creo, to be 104. Peter’s has lived to be 108.


PERINO: We could be around a while guys.

BUEN CAMPO: Guau. That’s age privilege. Juan, if we live to be 150, then that
means adolescence will be like up to 50.

WILLIAMS: That’s crazy. Sabes, I wouldn’t mind livingif you could
say, oh, you could really relive 20 a 50. Pero 120 a 150, that’s a long
time to be standing in the early bird line, you know what I mean?

BUEN CAMPO: sí. You want to get the stuff, you want to get the extension up
front, not on the back end?


BUEN CAMPO: Derecha, Jesse?

AGUAS: Derecha. I’m with you. I don’t want to hit 100 and be blind,
brittle, and wrinkly for the next 50 años. You got to stretch the youth
out over the 150 year span and make it worthwhile.

BUEN CAMPO: Sabes, I have a theory, dias. Would you like to hear it?

MCDOWELL: Por supuesto.

BUEN CAMPO: OK. The longer the lifespan, the less likely you will participate
in activities that can cut your life short. Me gusta, if you’re a rock climber
and you fall and you die at 35, maybe you miss 40 a 50 years of your
future life. But if you know you’re going to live to 150, then the loss
would be far greater. Por lo tanto, you would spend almost all of your time
indoors in like a kind of a padded suit because you know.

Me gusta, imagine if you could live forever, you would never go outside because
the only thing that could kill you would be an accident. I think about this
mucho, dias. This is why I don’t do anything.

MCDOWELL: Bien, I am likeI live that life. I amI never go outside.
I sit in air conditioning. I’m like up fur in cold storage all the time.
But I still — escuchar, I’m about a third of the way to this 150, roughly,
and I alreadyit takes me half an hour to get out of bed in the morning.
The bottom is falling out, literally and figuratively. And I don’t want to
live that long. quiero decir, I’m — sabes, I’m a creaky bag of bones now.

BUEN CAMPO: Sabes — but what isthere is some kind of weird secret with
people who are old that they’re just like, sabes, there’s thisyou
know, there’s a study, Dana, that says that if you make it to age 70,
you’re more likely to make it to age 80. Did you know that?

PERINO: Bien, that’s good to know for anyone. Sabes, that’s great. I
also, I think that

BUEN CAMPO: Because if you don’t make it to 70 —

PERINO: We are learning about nutrition, derecho? You’ve talked about this,
Greg. Me gusta, su — -don’t eat so much sugar.

BUEN CAMPO: Derecha.

PERINO: And that will extend your life.

BUEN CAMPO: That is a good point.

PERINO: But you can still do a lot of drugs according to Greg.

MCDOWELL: No, can’t do.

BUEN CAMPO: Está bien, I got to go. “ONE MORE THINGis up next. Enjoy it, if
you will.


WILLIAMS: It’s time now forONE MORE THINGand I have an announcement.
This is my last day hosting THE FIVE. COVID taught me a lot of lessons. Como
the show goes back to the New York studio, I’ll be staying in D.C. Seré
working for Fox out of Washington. My work as a Fox News Political Analyst
will continue.

You know it’s been going on seven years since I’ve been a daily host of
this show. La popularidad del programa ha aumentado cada año.. Asi que, thank
you. Muchas gracias a ti, Los observadores. Thank you.

PERINO: Juan, Juan, Juan. OK, wait. Wait, Juan, that’s not going to be it.
That’s not going to be it. We got a little bit of something for you. Watch



WILLIAMS: Hola, todos. I’m Juan Williams.

Hola, todos. I’m Juan Williams.

Hola, todos. I’m Juan Williams.

Su 5:00 En nueva york. This is THE FIVE.

Oh my gosh, it’s a girl.

BUEN CAMPO: Juan, it’s a boy. It’s a boy.

AGUAS: Blue means boy, Juan.

Juan and I went out until 3:00 soy. to the Black Eyed Peas concert. We’ve
bonded. We’ve bonded that night and we’ll never forget.

WILLIAMS: This is the home of the Washington football team.

AGUAS: The Redskins.


You know what? It’s also a dream come true for a little boy named Juan. I’m
going to the All Stars. Can you believe it, All Star game?

Oh my gosh. Oh, I love the graham cracker part. Oh, my gosh. It’s worth the

BUEN CAMPO: He loves it. He loves it.

AGUAS: Juan is having fun.

BUEN CAMPO: He loves it.

WILLIAMS: Can I leap across the table and hug you? You should come to me as
your therapist. Can you imagine what those sessions would be like?

My pal Megan said that red did not go with my Friday purple jacket.

AGUAS: You look great though.

WILLIAMS: Bien, if it’s up to me, I’d wear a lot of sweatshirts,
sweatpants, sweat suits. L

Take a look at this, derecho.

AGUAS: Oh, my God.

WILLIAMS: By keeping up with the family tradition by dressing up in
matching sweat suits, here’s the whole crew dressed in identical

AGUAS: ay Dios mío.

WILLIAMS: It’s a tracksuit.



WILLIAMS: It’s time now for Friday fun, “ONE MORE THING.

Felicidad, it’s time forONE MORE THING.

Time for some fun, “ONE MORE THING.

Está bien, Jesse, this opening is for you. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No,
it’s a giant vulture.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, this time it’s the Super Moon.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a meteorite.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s me on vacation.

PERINO: It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a guy in a jet pack.

WILLIAMS: Dana, you stole my line. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. That is my

AGUAS: Bien, Juan, happy birthday. You have your bread pudding here
not your bread pudding. You have your banana pudding.

WILLIAMS: I still have my teeth, Jesse.

What a pleasure to celebrate here with my FIVE family and with all of you
out there watching.


PERINO: It’s a real honor and a pleasure to work with you, Juan. And we’re
glad that, sabes, you’ve made a good decision for yourself and for your
familia. And you will be missed. Y — but you know, not too far away. I
bet you’re going to be onAMERICA’S NEWSROOM.

AGUAS: Maybe not “AGUAS’ WORLDbut I’m going to miss you, Juan. Y
maybe we’ll see each other at The Black Eyed Peas concert.



WILLIAMS: That was fun.

BUEN CAMPO: Still a terrible band.

PERINO: Thank you, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Está bien, that’s it for us. “SPECIAL REPORTis up next.

Oye, Bret. I’m going to see you around the Washington Bureau.

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