'The Five' on Democrats' fleeing Texas, Biden's speech

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody. I’m Jesse Watters along with Judge Jeanine Pirro, Harold Ford, Jr., Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It’s 5:00 in New York City and this is THE FIVE.

A huge battle over voting taking center stage in America. A fearmongering Joe Biden smearing Republicans as racist and claiming democracy in America is under siege over states like Texas trying to pass election integrity laws.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: The 21st century Jim Crow assault is real. It’s unrelenting. And we are going to challenge it vigorously. Are you on the side of truth or lies? Fact or fiction? Justice or injustice? Democracy or autocracy? That’s what it’s coming down to. Stand up, for god sake, and help prevent this concerted effort to undermine our election and the sacred right to vote. Have you no shame? We are facing the most significant test of our democracy since the civil war.


WATTERS: Joe Biden is also calling for a federal takeover of elections and is promising to use his Department of Justice to go after the states. Now, keep in mind, that while the president spews that kind of rhetoric, liberal fact-checkers have found these Republican bills actually expand voting hours.

But those facts don’t matter to liberals in Texas. A group of showboating Democrats just skipping town in order to block Republicans there from passing these new voting bills. They are fashioning themselves as political martyrs, who of course fled to Washington, D.C. on a pair of private jets without face masks and a case of beer. And while these Democrats soak up attention, Texas Governor Greg Abbott is promising to arrest them when they return.


GREG ABBOTT (R), GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: That is not the way that Texas — Texans do things. I will continue calling special session after special session because overtime is going to continue until they step up to vote. Once they step back into the state of Texas, they will be arrested and brought to the Texas capitol and we will be conducting business.


WATTERS: So, Greg, do you think they’re going to slap the cuffs on these fleeing Democrats or not?

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: You know, at first — I was going to talk about that but — what Joe said today just upsets me. I mean, he is a pathological, shameless liar. He ran on being a unifier and all he does his bank on racial discontent, right? He is like comparing this bill to the KKK and to Jim Crow. It’s like all he does is foment racial conflict and he’s making — he claims that he’s making a moral case for voting rights as if there are no voting rights.

Every American has the right to vote, except the less favored voting blocs, which are violent felons, illegal immigrants, and the dead. My theory is there is only one possibility of a true zombie uprising, and it’s as if corpses found out that they were voting for Joe Biden.

The only Republicans Democrats know of are evil. It started with Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was supposed be the worst, right? He was Hitler. Then you got George Bush. He was, you know, a warmonger. Then you had the other George Bush, he was a warmonger. Then you had John McCain, warmonger. They you had Mitt Romney who was going to put everybody back in chains, right?

Then we are supposed to get the biggest, greatest existential risk in history out of Donald Trump, and now we’re sold — that’s a lie because he’s gone, and now this is a bigger existential risk than Donald Trump. This is the worst thing since the civil war. I’m beginning to think they are exaggerating.

WATTERS: What gives you that idea?

GUTFELD: I don’t know! I’m just looking forward to the next existential risk.

WATTERS: Judge Jeanine, I looked through the entire Texas voting bill today and there is not one thing in there that restricts voting. Not one thing.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: There isn’t one thing in there that restricts voting. And if you’ll think about it, they even brought one person before you to tell you that this person was not able to vote because of this.

In fact, what they want to do is remember when they expanded everything because it was the pandemic. They want to expand the pandemic. They want to keep the pandemic voting and they want to expand that. And you know what really makes me crazy? What makes me crazy is you have these Texas legislators who make a decision that they’re going to go to Washington, D.C.

I mean, it’s such an embarrassment to Texans. I mean, I know a lot of people from Texas. I love a lot of people in Texas, okay? The one thing they don’t do is cut and run. The one thing they don’t do is run to daddy in Washington and say, “Daddy, help us. We don’t want to do our job. We want to federalize the election law.” who gave you that right?

Get back to work. People voted for you to work on legislation. You tried to stop the regular session. They couldn’t get anything pass. They know how to do it. And now they are doing it for the special sessions. These people are an embarrassment. Look at them, they look like they’re going to camp. I guarantee you there is Miller Lite on that plane.

GUTFELD: There is Miller Lite because they probably had to pay for that. They didn’t have to pay for the plane. So they got a chartered plane, but when they had to buy the beer, oh, Miller Lite.

PIRRO: So who paid for the plane? Who paid for the plane?

GUTFELD: Obviously, the taxpayers.

WATTERS: All right, so how does it look right now, the Democrats fleeing to Washington? And I believe Kamala Harris is going to be meeting with these fleeing Democrats. I don’t know when, but we will cover it here on the show. They can’t look —

HAROLD FORD, JR., FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I don’t know who paid for that plane (inaudible).


WATTERS: Soros fly the jet.

FORD: I think — when you think about — Judge, I think you raised an excellent points and everyone’s raised the right points around —

PIRRO: Oh, I like you. This is the first time we’ve been together.

GUTFELD: Keep your hands off him.


PIRRO: I’m sorry!

GUTFELD: We’ve had that problem before.

FORD: I think fundamentally, were’ having —


FORD: We have to ask the question, what is — what do we want when we have an election? Now, to your point, during the pandemic we made accommodations to make it easier for people to vote. I happen to think what you want in any election and I’ve ran in five elections — six, I lost one. I wish we could have come back and found more people to vote and make some of the claims that former President Trump is making, but I lost the election.

I wanted more people to vote and they didn’t. More people voted this time and it just turns out that the Democrats won this time. Now, if we have a set of systems in place to create that and to encourage that and to validated that going forward, I think we should.

Now, politics is too much theater. Traveling to D.C., I get the politics, I get the theater of the politics. We all engage in a little of that to make our point. But I’ll remind everybody, 60 federal and state courts denied these claims. There has been more scrutiny around this presidential race.

Look, the guy that I wanted to win won and I’m thankful. Had he lost, I would have accepted it and moved on. I think at some point, the body politic needs to accept that there was an election, President Biden won, and if we are serious about more people voting, let’s put efforts forward and changes to election laws that allow more people to vote and not make it harder for people to vote. And when the Democrats are right or wrong is making it harder.

PERINO: What people —

FORD: They believe — they believe they are making it harder for people to vote.

WATTERS: Harold, let me ask you a specific question.

FORD: Sure.

WATTERS: Where in the Texas bill does it make it harder for people to vote?

FORD: So, I’d say two things, Jesse, to answer your question. Number one, we roll back some of the pandemic accommodations that were made to help more people to make it easier to vote.

WATTERS: Like what? Like what? What are they rolling back and what does it do to make it harder for people to vote in Texas?

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Like 24-hour voting in Houston. It wasn’t supposed to be allowed and they did it.


FORD: So, there’s (inaudible). Look, I know, we can go with line by line on the bill, but there is no doubt there are efforts that are different for the 2022 and 2024 election if this passes.

WATTERS: But actually if it is — so, if you’re saying the rolling back, that’s actually not true —

PERINO: It’s not true.

WATTERS: — because they are adding more time to vote. Maybe they took away the 24-hour rule —

GUTFELD: Yes, they took away a temporary thing.

PERINO: But the things is —

WATTERS: — but they are adding way more hours on early voting.

PERINO: Well, the thing is also, like I think we’re also — I think — I’m not saying it’s not a serious topic, but I think it’s actually, this is to be ridiculed and laughed at. Because, okay, if nothing passes, the state reverts back to pre-2020, okay. And so, if that’s the case —

GUTFELD: Somebody read the packet!

PERINO: — then the Democrats are actually for restrictions because it would be pre-2020. There actually are new things in here. Another point, the Supreme Court just ruled — was it last week or the week before — that not a single person could be shown to have been harmed in Arizona when it came to voting restrictions. And so the Supreme Court said no, if you can’t show somebody, actual person has been harmed —

PIRRO: Who couldn’t vote?

PERINO: — then you can’t and that was your point there.

FORD: Right.

PERINO: But also, the Texas Democrats really didn’t think this through. They made arrangements for private jets, hotel rooms, they scheduled their T.V. interviews, but they did not have a communications meeting. They have simply no message at all. So they end up doing step one, get on a plane, get some beer, take a lot of selfies.


Step two, leave that blank, let’s fill that in later, and step three, win the fight. They are trying to play power politics with no power.

WATTERS: No power.

PERINO: There is no strategy. They need a Mitch McConnell who can calmly say, “This is the goal that we want to get to. This is what we’re going to be able to do.” And then you message it and work backwards. Now these guys are going to have to know like, “Well, we’re going to stay in D.C. for an indeterminate period. Oh, please send more money so that we can stay in the hotels.” And they’re definitely making money off of this. They are fund- raising like crazy.

GUTFELD: Where are their masks?

PIRRO: For 26 days.

PERINO: Exactly.

GUTFELD: Where are their masks?

PIRRO: Not only that, but they’re going to be there for 26 days.


PIRRO: And that’s — because that’s when this special session is ending. They’re not going back before — who is paying for this hotel? Democrat socialists of America?


WATTERS: Yes, Harold! Yes!

PIRRO: That’s a question.


PIRRO: That was a question.

FORD: I’m for more people voting.

WATTERS: All right.

GUTFELD: I’m for less people voting!

FORD: Yes.

WATERS: Yes. We’re just for no —

GUTFELD: Joking.

WATTERS: UP next, the big city police chief tearing into the left’s anti- cop rhetoric after a 3-year-old was shot. You don’t want to miss what he said next.


GUTFELD: Minneapolis police chief tearing into the left’s anti-cop rhetoric after a 3-year-old was shot in his city and he says the biggest threat to the black community is not the police.


MEDARIA ARRADONDO, MINNEAPOLIS POLICE CHIEF: The biggest threat to public safety in our city, and particularly the African-American community, is not the police. It is not the police. We have an epidemic right now of unequivocal gun violence, particularly in the African-American communities and that must stop.


GUTFELD: That comes as President Biden admits Democrats are wrong on defunding the police after telling big city leaders and law enforcement officials to use COVID cash to hire more cops. Dana, you are the first person, I believe, to bring this up to me about this kind of like transfer of money from one thing to another. What is so odd about it? What irks you?

PERINO: What irks me is, okay, so on defund the police you had certain precincts. Let’s just take Minneapolis for example. The local city council decided to defund the police. There are consequences for that, you are seeing them now.

So, the president’s answer on this has been, okay, well, because we have all this COVID relief money slushing (ph) around, just use that. SO you have local taxpayers being represented by local government making decisions that affect their local community. And then the federal taxpayer —


PERINO: — through COVID relief funds has to bail it out? I don’t think that makes any sense and I don’t think we should sleep on it.

GUTFELD: There you go. What should we do?

PERINO: I don’t know!


GUTFELD: Should we — should we nap on it? Let’s nap on it, have a snack, and come back to it later. All right, Judge, I have this amazing ironic theory.


GUTFELD: The greatest irony of all is that the left got what they wanted. They got a handicapped police, right, and they got some defunding, they got all this anti-cop rhetoric out there. And now what they got in return is the death of gun control. You cannot have an argument about gun control as you have leftists buying guns. The eight million guns from last year, they are finding in a survey are a lot of liberals are buying guns.

PIRRO: Look, gun sales are through the roof for one reason. People aren’t stupid. They know that when they call 911 that maybe 911 ain’t coming. They’ve got to defend themselves. We saw it last weekend. There were several killings. One I think by a 12-year-old defending his mother, another an 80-year-old woman when a guy came into her house.

People who have and buy guns legally know they have to learn how to use a gun, so they can shoot and kill. What’s going on in the streets of Chicago and everywhere else are just a bunch of thugs shooting. They’ve never been to a gun range. I mean, they just shoot in the hood.

GUTFELD: Are you advising they do go to the gun range?

PIRRO: They just take it out of out of their waistband and shoot in the hood, all right? And that’s why now you’re seeing Americans get it. They know. And by the way, the biggest epidemic in this country, it’s not COVID, it’s not climate change. It’s not all this other stuff. It is criminals in the United States walking free after they are shooting innocent victims. It’s happening in a way that we haven’t seen since the ’70s and it is skyrocketing.

GUTFELD: Harold, why do you love criminals?


FORD: I was waiting for that question, Greg.


FORD: Look, that Minneapolis police chief is really — he’s been consistent throughout all of this. And he was amongst a number of Democrats that for a long time have said we can’t defund the police. I’ve said on this show, I said it from the outset, I got beat up a little bit for saying anyone who doesn’t want police in their neighborhood, just send them to my neighborhood.

And frankly, every other neighborhood in the country. And I live in a neighborhood that I’m fortunate to live in. I don’t know of any neighborhood in America that does not want police there.

Two, defund, I mean, this bail reform, judge, you are right. Those were — they were well-intentioned people wanting some form of bail reform, but it has gone awry and it’s not — whatever the good intentions were, they have completely missed the point here and you’re putting criminals and violent people back out on the streets. We got to change that.

Three, I’m still a believer in the ghost guns. Trey Gowdy and I, we were on last night, Jesse and I were on Brett’s show last night talking a little bit about this. You’ve got to increase the prosecutions of people who have guns illegally. But at the same time you have to ask the question, and you got on me by talking about fresh apples last week, people, some of these kids can get fresh apples but they can get guns.

How do they get the guns? If you can’t — if a criminal can’t walk into a gun show or gun store and buy it, it seems strange to me these kids have been flood into their community. So, let’s go after the bad guys who are flooding it to the communities, guns into these communities, and go after these kids, these thugs and these criminals. Not just kids, any age person committing violent acts in communities, and then let’s stop them from getting out of jail and I would agree with you.

PIRRO: Yes, but gun trafficking and prosecuting gun trafficking is nothing new. We’ve been doing it for years. The prosecutors are not doing it now.

GUTFELD: Something else changed.

PIRRO: That’s the problem.

FORD: But prior to the pandemic, Chicago had these issues before. Prior to President Trump raising these issues about gun violence in Chicago, it has existed. We also had Democratic mayors who oversaw cities where crime was coming down. A number of reasons, number of factors and we can debate that later, but I think we go after those who are flooding communities with guns also.

PIRRO: Well, nothing to debate in Chicago. They were one of the lowest in terms of prosecuting gun trafficking in the country.

FORD: I would agree. That needs to change.

GUTFELD: So, Jesse, this is like age-old lesson that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. And we notice that that people like the squad or the loudest defunders.


GUTFELD: Do you think they’ve learned a lesson?

WATTERS: The defund the police movement disappeared faster than occupy Wall Street. Where they go? I don’t hear them chanting. They’re not booked on CNN anymore and that’s because the defund the police movement caused black lives. And all the people in the media that sponsored it have to live with that.

Do you remember in 2020, the people that were pushing defund the police? Who was it? It was the professional black activist class, academic revolutionaries. It was the squad and it was local city council members. Who wasn’t on that list? It wasn’t your mom and your dad in the black community that struggles with violence.

This was not a movement for the people because the people in these neighborhoods know you have to have fast 911 response times. So it took Al Sharpton, who is supposed to represent black America, until September to come out and say that defund the police is something that a latte liberal would support.

It took CNN until August to come and say after the polling switch, “Hey, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” So, you said, public safety is so fragile. And the minute you pull back and start acting permissive, you get a crime wave and now we are living in the results of that.

FORD: In fairness to Sharpton, he came out a little sooner, but there is no doubt, there were certainly should’ve been more voices as well.

GUTFELD: Yes. And remember, when we brought up defunding, the other networks were saying no, it’s not defunding. They’re just — it’s diverting. Remember the diverting?

WATTERS: Re-imagining.


GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. It’s not really what it is! CNN still got to answer for that one. And the socialist speak, Bernie Sanders bashes America after the crackdown in communist China.


PIRRO: Socialist darling Bernie Sanders finally breaking his silence on Cuba. And of course he’s taking a shot at America. Bernie going soft on the communist regime when pressed on it.


UNKNOWN: Last year during the campaign you said that it’s unfair to simply say everything is bad in Cuba. Do you still share that sentiment now that the people there seem to be —

SNE. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT): Well, I support throughout Latin America and in Cuba and every place else, the right of people to protest for a decent economy and for political freedom.


PIRRO: And Bernie’s response wouldn’t be complete without blaming America, instead of decades of a communist dictatorship. He tweeted this, “It’s also long past time to end the unilateral U.S. embargo on Cuba, which has only hurt, not helped, the Cuban people.”

Okay, I’ll go to you, Greg. Okay, talk about the fact that the people in Cuba who are protesting allegedly are protesting over COVID, according to the Cuban —

GUTFELD: You’re right.

PIRRO: Cuban — what is it?

FORD: Services?

PIRRO: The services, whatever, the government. Is it really about COVID?

GUTFELD: Oh, of course not. COVID just brings out the worst in a doomed society. But for Sanders, it’s hard to condemn something or an idea that you’ve praised for almost your entire life. It goes back to the enemy of intellectual growth, which is the sunk cost.

If you’ve invested 70 years of your life in an idea that destroys entities once they adopt it, it’s kind of hard. It’s a little late for Bernie to turn that truck around. I mean, it is the ideological equivalent of a money pit. You can’t stop putting money to it. Bernie denouncing Cuba would be like CNN denouncing fake news. That’s your brand. Jesse denouncing hair gel, you know, Dana denouncing Jasper, me denouncing raw sensuality.


PIRRO: That was a great answer.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

PIRRO: All right. You know, the Democratic Socialists of America seem to be backing, you know, the claim that they are over there not protesting about freedom, but they are protesting about other things like the economy.

PERINO: Well, then they should take Spanish class, because libertad, which is what they are all clamoring for means liberty and freedom, and that’s what they are asking for. Actually, if you do just a little bit of research on it for those socialists out there, you can see that it was really from the grassroots and it really show with a lot of artist including a rap artist who was like, “I’m just going to go forward” because they are sick of it. They are tired of it and they want the help.

And I don’t think that — well, the good news is for the Cubans, that Bernie is not Biden and Biden is the president of the United States. I don’t think that Biden is exactly where Obama was on this. Remember, Obama went like full normalize relations and the embargo, do all these things.

President Trump walks it back. I don’t think Biden will actually go back to the Obama version because one, they saw what happened when they squashed or didn’t help the revolution in Iran. And they don’t want that to happen here in Cuba. Like you can’t do that to people there.

The discouraging thing is that the internet has been shut down and communication has kind of stopped there, so if there’s anyone out there that has the technology that would allow these people to be able to communicate with each other, it’s good. The other bad news is apparently a lot of these dissidents that were jailed are being treated terribly and there ought to be consequences for that, too.

PIRRO: Yes, Jesse, it’s true. They are being treated terribly. And we just found out that there are more than 100 missing or arrested and one included a journalist. You know, what should we be doing in this situation?

WATTERS: Well, we don’t have a great track record of dealing with that regime, so I don’t know what we could do. And every attempt we’ve made to overthrow that regime has backfired. So, I think this might be a time where you want to wait it out. But I want to talk about Bernie Sanders here.

Just a little history lesson. The reason we have the embargo against Cuba is because the Soviets put missiles in Cuba, ballistic missiles pointed at the United States. They’re 90 miles off the shore of Key West. He just think that’s OK. Like, let’s just drop the embargo, and all of the enemies of America just send missiles to Cuba and point it at Washington D.C. That’s why Bernie Sanders is dangerously stupid.

Does Bernie really believe that communism would work if we just dropped the embargo? No, the regime is just going to pilfer all the stuff. And they’re going to basically use patronage to set up a permanent and never-ending authoritarian regime. Here’s what Bernie, and this is to Greg’s point here, here’s what Bernie is saying. He never actually addresses the fact that people in these communist countries hated their suffering.

He never talks about that. He always talks about theoretical communism and theoretical socialism. And that’s because he’s arrogant. And he believes that communism or socialism would work in this country. And people would like it if just Bernie Sanders could administer it. And that’s the fallacy.

PIRRO: Yes. And he actually said it was working in Venezuela until it wasn’t. Then he had to take it off the Senate Web site. But what about the Squad? The Squad is kind of quiet on this one.

FORD JR.: I can’t speak for him. I don’t know why. I have not been, President Biden has not been. I agree with everything that’s been said. And there’s no excuse. You have a decaying, corrupt and communist regime 90 miles off our shore. I think at some level, we got to step back and even ponder that question a bit.

But anybody in their right mind can’t support what’s happening there and has to be supportive to these protesters. To Jesse’s point, it may take — this could be one of those tipping point moments where the people decide they want this. And I think we’d have to decide how we want to be helpful if we could, and if we could be constructive in helping.

Finally, if you look at the entire region, right, you look at our entire hemisphere, one of the reasons I believe as much as we spend money in other hemispheres around the globe to try to stabilize things than we should, we spend very little here.

PERINO: Yes, it’s s true.

FORD JR.: And we have to think about — think about that in a meaningful way. Take Bernie out of it, take the squat out of it, think about it from a foreign policy and national security standpoint.

PIRRO: That’s a great point. It really is.

FORD JR.: Thank you.

PIRRO: You’re welcome.

GUTFELD: I don’t know about you but it’s getting really hot in here.

WATTERS: We’ll leave you guys alone.

PIRRO: Coming up, Big Brother on steroids. President Biden is being pressured to read your text messages.


FORD JR.: New concerns of a big brother in privacy in America. The DNC and President Biden’s allies are reportedly pressuring phone companies to monitor text messages to stop COVID misinformation. Adding to Politico, these groups are “planning to engage fact-checkers more aggressively and work with SMS carriers to dispel misinformation about vaccines that is sent over social media and text messages. And the FBI is getting some attention over this post on Twitter, urging Americans to monitor “family members and peers to prevent homegrown violent extremism. Wow.

Jesse, let me ask you this. If you have a family member whom you think might be engaged in something that that they shouldn’t be engaged in, it could create a domestic terrorism challenge to borrow this language.

GUTFELD: Yes, his mom.

FORD JR.: How do you — how do you react to that in light of what —

WATTERS: It worries me because I think my mom is going to narc on me. Mon Tex is going to go to Chris Wray. Christopher, Jesse Watters is listening to the Dan Bongino podcast and he’s radicalized. I mean, you just basically turn this country into media matters. You turn a bunch of Americans into narcs who monitor conservatives and get mad that they tell the truth.

The other thing that the top part. You know, what makes Democrats and the media things they even know what misinformation is. They’ve been wrong on everything about the pandemic, the travel ban, the beach closings, the school closings, warp speed, lab leak, mask mandates, hydroxy, and nursing homes. Now, they’re going to turn around and fact-check by phone after being wrong on all of that? No.

FORD JR.: Judge, what’s the standard? I mean, what should — we obviously know what the standard is in terms of how far we could go. But should government and should a president be concerned about these kinds of things? Is it completely out of bounds? Is it somewhat in bounds? How would you strike the balance?

PIRRO: Look, I think the President shouldn’t be concerned about everything that affects the safety of Americans. But this guy is — I mean, I don’t — you don’t want to know what I think. I mean, first of all, he’s got people going door to door. I mean, that is reminiscent of a time in history to get people to then, you know, narc on family members. It was like over Thanksgiving, they were saying about COVID. If there are more than six people next door, call the cops, just like you call the cops if your kids were drinking.

We got this whole new mentality now that we’ve got to turn each other in. It’s all about divisiveness. It’s all about dividing us whether it’s racism, or whether it’s them against us. What they’re doing is they’re creating all of these fighting groups that, you know, we’re right and they’re wrong and we got to turn them in and turn them into criminals. It’s not a good place to be in history.

FORD JR.: Dana and Greg, I’ll ask you to both answer. Is it — I don’t know. I have a strong answer about it’s right to get the vaccine. Is there — is it right or wrong about the vaccine?

PERINO: Well, here’s the thing. I think that whoever came up with the let’s reach vaccine skeptics by monitoring their text messages was probably the same genius who came up with the idea that we should go door to door. They don’t communicate clearly. I understand their intentions are very good.

I think that what Biden and Harris could actually do if they really cared about this issue, a couple of things. One, it’s not just conservatives. There are people that are certainly low income, and sometimes like in black communities, in particular, for example. In those states where there’s lower vaccinations, you could find both, right? And also younger people, the age group 18 to 29, they’re very much the ones that are just like, well, hold on.

But if Biden and Harris who were — they were the original vaccine skeptic.

GUTFELD: Exactly.


PERINO: They were — if they were willing to say — just imagine like if they were willing to say, we’re going to take a moment here everybody to say, we want to get President Trump credit Operation Warp Speed. We want to thank him for the vaccine. I regret what I said as a candidate for President of the United States, and she says it too. I regret it. We were wrong. That was political. The vaccines are good. Like, if they were to do that, that would actually probably carry a lot more weight.

The other thing on the FBI thing is that — so what they’re saying is that the carriers now should have to do what Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are deciding on their own, because we’re saying that those are not government entities. So, you’re going to ask Verizon, and AT&T, and T Mobile to actually do that. That’s — to me that won’t even pass legal muster.

Also remember Apple. Apple is the one who wouldn’t even share information with the FBI about a terrorist attack.

PIRRO: Exactly, exactly.

PERINO: So, I think this is all sort of like upside down.

PIRRO: You need a court order for it. You would need a court order to do that. But they’re just saying, go ahead and do it.

PERINO: But if you are a company, you should demand a court order because you should not do that on your own.

PIRRO: Yes, of course.

GUTFELD: I think that the administration is having a hard time fulfilling their white power narrative that they created. So, now they’re backfilling the accusation. So we’ve identified the problem, extreme white supremacy. Now, go and find me some extreme white supremacists. And I think the media was really bummed out when the rise of the moors turned out to be black.

And that was like, oh, wait, I hear that there’s these 11 armed guys on the highway. And I know exactly, that’s got to be a white militia. We have a full on cyber warfare going on right now. You know, we are in a new kind of war. And we are fixated on ripping our country apart, turning us into media matters. The thing is, I always think about that. It’s like we are turned – – we’re trying to turn fellow Americans into narcs so we can — we can suppress debate and get rid of any enemy to some hard-left progressive agenda. But you can’t turn around and do it back to them because they’re so boring.

Like you could never actually dark on somebody who works for media matters, because all they do is they sit in their basement and type about us, talk about a miserable life. Think about all those people on Twitter that that’s what they — that’s their cottage industry. They make their living off trying to wait for us to screw up. That’s their life.

You can’t make fun of that, because it’s so tragic and sad that that’s what they do every day. So, it’s hard to go after them, though they can go after exciting people like us, because we’re always doing interesting things. And we look great. That drives them crazy.

WATTERS: And you’re very sensual.

GUTFELD: No, it’s the raw sensuality.

WATTERS: Raw sensuality.

GUTFELD: Yes. That’s the name of my new cologne sold at the Fox Store. Did you know that?

WATTERS: With the Animals are Great leash?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Well, it’s animal — it’s raw animal magnetism.

WATTERS: Two for one.


FORD JR.: Up next, can you — we’re going to fess up our most embarrassing moments.


PERINO: Remember the old saying secrets are no fun unless you share that with everyone. Well, a new study shows that is not the case. The average adult keeps two humiliating things from family and friends. Some of the top ones are embarrassing incidents, internet history, Judge, eating habits, hygiene habits, and faking an illness to avoid a commitment. Greg, you think this is a great topic?

GUTFELD: Yes, because —

PERINO: Would it reveal something?

GUTFELD: No, I will never reveal anything that I haven’t already revealed. We are moral animals, but we are animals. And we could be filthy wild animals. At the drop of a hat, show me human being, Judge, and I’ll show you a dirty little beast. We should all accept that all of us in our own little private worlds are filthy, disgusting creatures.

WATTERS: Even Dana?

GUTFELD: Dana, yes.


GUTFELD: Even more data. This is a front. So, the thing is, once we accept that we’re all filthy, our pride — our obsession over people’s private lives and —

PIRRO: Wait a minute. In their — in their body or their behavior.

GUTFELD: Behavior. Stop playing like you don’t know what I mean, Dirty Judge. Once you admit this, cancel culture — we have to have mutually assured destruction about our own private lives. And then cancel culture goes away. The only problem is, like I said the previous block, there are boring people. Boring people aren’t filthy.

The only difference between boring people and interesting people is the little nastiness. And that is my last monologue.

PIRRO: So, what’s your — what’s your secret? You didn’t share the secret.

GUTFELD: I’m telling you that you couldn’t even understand my secrets.

PIRRO: Clearly.

WATTERS: No, he shares too much, Judge, we want him to stop sharing so much.


PERINO: Jesse, do you have anything to — that you haven’t shared already?

WATTERS: Yes, I want to say something and I’ve kept it from all of you. I wrote a book. No one knows. I just thought — no, there was something that I thought was a big secret in my life. And for the first three years on THE FIVE, I didn’t say it. And this topic came up every month or so. And then, like, last year, we did the topic and I said it and no one thought it was that big of a deal.

And I admitted that I saw a UFO when I was six. And the reason I didn’t say that for three years, I thought it was going to ruin my credibility. I know.


GUTFELD: Oh, my God.

PERINO: All right, Judge, do you — do you have —

PIRRO: No, I do not have any secrets. I have no secrets. I do not.

GUTFELD: You drive like a maniac.

PERINO: That’s not a secret.

WATTERS: No, that’s a public report.

PIRRO: Hey, I got a ticket, OK. Everybody read about it. It was Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. But what they list is smoking habits. Yes, I smoke. Faking an illness to avoid work, never. Buying expensive items online, yes, I did that. Money spent on food. How else are you supposed to get food? Work for it?

PERINO: Well, that would be — that would be wise.

WATTERS: That sounded like a confession.

PERINO: Harold, what can you reveal? I mean, Greg says there are some people —

FORD JR.: Mine are — mine are much lighter.



FORD JR.: My kids are seven and six and they can beat me in a 40-yard dash. And my wife is a better athlete. I’ve never said that. My friends know that but I never —

GUTFELD: Wow, you are one smooth operator. I see right through you. I see right through you. I know what you’re up to.

WATTERS: Are you in trouble?

PIRRO: Yes, yes.

PERINO: Maybe after the show.


PERINO: Yes, after the show. Mine has to do with the fact that — you know, Greg talks about German films that he perform in the 70s, and I pretend like I don’t know it. I have an entire stash in my apartment, like a whole closet full of these things that I’ve just been waiting to sell on eBay.

GUTFELD: Yes. I had to quit because of digestive issues.

PERINO: Yes. Well, it was getting a little bit much.

WATTERS: And your gambling addiction.

GUTFELD: See, Harold laughed at that joke which means you have a dark past.

PERINO: Oh, yes. And Jesse thinks I’m a gambler, a degenerate gambler. We could talk about that. I mean, a lot, there’s a lot.

GUTFELD: There’s a lot.

PERINO: I’m not one of those boring people. “ONE MORE THING” is up next.

WATTERS: Dana, the dirty beast.


WATTERS: It’s time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Greg, go.

GUTFELD: Oh, I can’t wait to do this. Greg’s How Many Nuts Part 4. Now, you guys know the rules. Harold, you probably don’t, but what I’m going to do is I’m going to show you a video and you guess how many nuts is this little critter going to eat? Let’s roll the video.

PERINO: That’s the chipmunk.

GUTFELD: OK, stop. Judge, how many nuts?


GUTFELD: All right.

FORD JR.: Three.

PERINO: You have not played before? Nine.


PIRRO: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is —

GUTFELD: You guess how many he’s going to eat.

PERINO: Watch, watch, watch. Then you can be ready for next time.


PIRRO: What, five?

WATTERS: Roll it.

GUTFELD: All right, five. Roll it. Two, three, four —

PERINO: You got to count the ones in the hand. That’s the key.

GUTFELD: Oh, you cheated you little cheater.

PERINO: No, that’s not cheat, that’s strategy.

WATTERS: 10. I win.

GUTFELD: Wait. I think it’s nine. It hasn’t gotten in his mouth.

PERINO: He can’t get it in.

WATTERS: Come on.

FORD JR.: That’s a different question. You didn’t ask how many nuts he can get in his mouth.

PERINO: Jesse wants a recount.

PIRRO: That is amazing.

WATTERS: Yes, it’s like the basketball shot contest.

GUTFELD: That’s going to be talked about as much as —

PIRRO: That is — that is breaking news. Yes, that’s breaking news.

GUTFELD: It says nine.

WATTERS: It says nine? Dana, you win again. All right, well, I win because it’s my feeding frenzy. Roll the animation from the ‘7os, please. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes, ’70s.

WATTERS: So, it’s National French Friday. So, we got the world’s most expensive French fries. This is a Guinness Book of World Records situation. It’s certified. Ready? $ 200. And Serendipity 3 in New York City provided the $ 200 fries, and they are called Creme de la Creme Pommes Frites. Am I saying that correctly?


PERINO: I think you got it.

WATTERS: They are topped with black truffle and 23-karat edible gold crust. And they’re dipped in champagne before being cooked in pure goose fat. All right guys, let’s go. Everybody in. Dip it.

GUTFELD: I’m not a truffle guy.


WATTERS: Oh, my God.

PERINO: Is that good?

WATTERS: It’s so good. It’s just luxurious.

PERINO: And what’s this?

GUTFELD: Luxurious.

WATTERS: What’s —

PIRRO: Is this ice cream?

WATTERS: We also have Serendipity ice cream.

PIRRO: I want the ice cream.

WATTERS: You want some ice cream? You can take this home with you, Judge.

PIRRO: Can I have the — can I have the —

PERINO: No, they brought this for you, Greg. You’re the corn bliss Sunday.

PIRRO: Can I have the truffle?

WATTERS: Thank you, Serendipity.

PERINO: 980 calories. Don’t worry about it.

WATTERS: That was the most expensive fry I ever ate. And now, we have Dana Perino.

PERINO: A little change of pace, a little change of pace. This an incredible story I heard about. On Monday, there was a father reunited with his son 24 years after he was abducted and then sold to another family by human traffickers in China. Geo Gangtang, he said he never gave up hope. He traveled on his motorbike over 300,000 miles in his quest to find him.

And while searching for his own son, he helped other Chinese parents find their kidnapped children. They were reunited after the DNA samples were matched in a police operation to locate missing children. And he said that despite everything, he plans on treating the couple who raised his boy all these years as relatives.

It’s a pretty amazing story of humanity there. And shout out to Peter who found this story for us today.

WATTERS: That’s when you want to hear, you are the father, right?

PIRRO: The pain — the pain that they go through is horrible when he lose his child.

WATTERS: God bless him.

PIRRO: It’s horrible.

WATTERS: All right, Judge.

PIRRO: My turn? OK, so — OK, quick. All right, so 17-year-old goes missing at 6:00 on Saturday. They call the state police, search and rescue, K9, forest service, everybody, and their mother. Guess who finds the teenager? Take a look at that dog. Tango is a hero dog. Get a close-up on the dog. He — look at his face. It’s like he’s posing for the shot.

PERINO: Gorgeous.

PIRRO: He found him three hours, Florida sheriff’s department.

PERINO: Good job, Tango.

WATTERS: All right, go Florida.

PIRRO: Thank you, Tango.

FORD JR.: Martha Tucker, a 94-year-old Alabama woman, African American woman cannot get unbridled dress 69 years ago when she got married. She told her granddaughters finally watching coming to America. They took it to the bridal shop. She put it on. And I say, you go girl. You look good. Congratulations. Congratulations.

PERINO: I love it.

PIRRO: That’s wonderful.

WATTERS: Congratulations.

PIRRO: Great story.

WATTERS: That’s it for us, everybody. “SPECIAL REPORT” is up next with the Bret Baier.

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